Fans of Shaun of the Dead, Hot Fuzz, and Spaced can rejoice at the release of How to Lose Friends and Alienate People, the latest from Simon Pegg. While the title doesn't sound like any sort of advice you'd like to take, the movie looks to be as hilarious as all that came before it. Pegg is so good at being put in these really specialized movies -- zombie flick, cop film -- but this time it's different. He plays a fame-obsessed geek who gets his big break in the form of a job at Sharp's magazine. He works for Jeff Bridges, and alongside his likely love interest Kirsten Dunst. And the trailer says it's "Based on the true story of a real idiot." If the true story here is supposed to be Pegg's, I am so in love with this movie already. If it's not a true story and they're just trying to be funny, well ... I actually like that too. [Ed's note: Actually it's based on the book by Toby Young about his exploits working for Vanity Fair, FYI. -- Lauren] Just because this guy's gotten his big break doesn't mean he'll stop being a dolt. He does pretty much everything wrong that someone can possibly do in a new job. But somehow he doesn't get fired within ten minutes -- thankfully, or the movie would be much shorter and/or less interesting.

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I have already made my feelings clear about some of the schlock Disney's been churning out lately, and Beverly Hills Chihuahua is at the top of my hate list. It's not because I think kids are going to talk their parents into running out and getting a Chihuahua, many of which will end up in rescues or shelters (though that might happen, I'm skeptical kids will like it enough). I hate this movie for many reasons: it looks stupid; it has no artistic merit; it's a waste of Drew Barrymore; etc. But if I have to choose just one reason to hate this movie, it is this: Talking. Animals. There is nothing creepier or less funny than anthropomorphized talking animals who have the faux-moving mouths. Except maybe weird talking babies. I mean, I'm sure Jamie Lee Curtis is fabulous here, as she was in Freaky Friday, and the dogs are obviously adorable. But do they have to talk? And does this movie even have to exist? I'm going to go ahead and pretend it doesn't.

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Religulous is from the director of Borat but it's a documentary with Bill Maher at the center. So it's hard to decide if it's going to be mostly funny or mostly full of hot air. Judging by the trailer, it's a little bit of both. Oh, and also a message film. It even goes so far as to tell us it's "From the studio that brought you Fahrenheit 9/11." I'm sorry, can we now say "From the studio that..." because there are some massive studios out there that could just name their best film ever and say this new crappy film is from the same studio. In other words: Not saying much. And being associated with Fahrenheit 9/11 is probably more divisive than anything. This movie looks at religion, but it would probably be better with someone at the helm who was more neutral and didn't make religion just look like a ridiculous joke. Especially since the majority of people in the world believe in some form of religion. It's going to be a hard sell to the people who aren't already as skeptical as Maher himself, which makes it kind of pointless as a message film, doesn't it? I am all for asking questions about religion; it just might be better to have someone asking them who doesn't think he knows more than the people he's asking. But, then, Michael Moore's been a huge success, so maybe it's just me.

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With Nick & Norah's Infinite Playlist, Michael Cera's finally stepping into the starring role in a romantic comedy. And it looks to be pretty awesome. Even though Cera's sort of today's heartthrob to a million teenage girls, he's still totally believable in the goofy, self-deprecating, dumped guy role (it's what he excels at, actually). This is no exception. He plays Nick (duh), a guy whose girlfriend dumped him "on [his] b-day," and therefore doesn't really feel like playing a gig with his band. Apparently he gets talked into it, though, and then a lonely, outcast girl, Norah (Kat Dennings), kisses him to make it look like she's not alone. From there, sparks fly. They decide to let some random guys carry Norah's drunk friend home so they can hang out (kids: If your friend is this drunk, do NOT let someone else get her home; you make sure she gets there yourself; and if you see one of the guys carrying her run her head into a car door, definitely don't let them take her). And then their car becomes a cab (drunk people won't take no for an answer). Oh, and then the guys lose the drunk girl so it becomes a hunt for her. Jay Baruchel shows up as a jerky ex of Norah's. You just know Nick and Norah will end up a couple by the end, but this is the sort of funny, crazy ride that's more about the getting there than the end result.

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I'm not naturally inclined to like a movie like All Roads Lead Home. It's not that I don't like kids, but I tend to not like that many of their live-action movies. That said, it does star Vivien Cardone, the lovely little actress from Everwood. And since I miss Everwood so, this trailer almost sucks me in. Okay, who am I kidding? I was totally sucked in, what with the sad story (Vivien plays Belle, whose mom dies; she blames her dad so he ships her off to live with her tough grandpa, Peter Coyote, for an "attitude adjustment.") and the cute puppies, and Vivien. Oh, and the sap. I am a sucker for sappy movies about kids and animals, so if you take me to this one, remember to pack lots and lots of Kleenex. Not that it will make me cry or anything. And not that even just the trailer got me choked up. That did NOT happen.

That large contingent of moviegoers looking for a far-from-mainstream, foreign, quasi-documentary film about a transsexual finally gets the movie they've been waiting for, in the form of The Amazing Truth About Queen Raquela. I know, I know, that's a huge market; will this movie be enough for all of them? Really, this movie appeals to more than just the narrow audience it might sound like it's made for. For example, the foreign element shouldn't alienate anyone who prefers English language films, as it is in English. Then there's the quasi-documentary aspect. The main character, Raquela, is playing herself, but other than her presence and characteristics, it's mostly a fictionalized story. As for the transsexual aspect, well, judging from the trailer, it looks like the type of movie and storyline that anyone can find something worthwhile in and relate to: Raquela longs for a more exciting life in Paris, but can't find a way to follow her dream. And then she does, through prostitution and/or internet porn and/or creepy guys who want to fly her around the world without having met her. So, okay, you might not relate to it, but it looks funny and different, a welcome relief from what's usually cramming the screens at the multiplex.

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Humboldt County has one of the funniest tag lines around: "Where the grass is greener." Okay, okay, that's not so funny by itself, but if you know that movie is about -- a medical student who accidentally stumbles onto a huge hippie, pot-farming community -- it's suddenly very clever. Like Pineapple Express, this appears to be another pot movie that's not just for potheads. Said medical student, while smart enough to get into a great medical program, is sweetly naïve. He thinks Fairuza Balk is a prostitute because she wants to sleep with him. He has big, deer-in-the-headlights eyes (the trailer even zooms in on them at one point) at the pot farm, because, hello?! Pot farm. He is so out of his element, which is what will make this movie awesome. Also, I don't know who this Jeremy Strong guy is (maybe because it's his first movie), but he has the most perfect sweetness to him that makes this concept work. And Frances Conroy looks to be at her whacked-out best, just like back in the hey-day of Six Feet Under. So, yeah, I'm sold.

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I'll be honest with you: I never would have cast Rachel McAdams, Tim Robbins, and Michael Pena as the three Iraq war veterans in The Lucky Ones. But maybe this is why I'm not a casting director, because judging by the trailer, it totally works. They're a ragtag crew trying to find their place after being injured in the war. But after that, they just don't seem to fit in, because the way this movie sees it, when veterans return from Iraq they are faced with either insincere gratitude ("Thanks for what you're doing over there" is repeated several times, humorously, in the trailer) or that ridiculous know-it-all brand of ignorance ("Well, of course it's messy. It's a war!"). I'd like to think these two reactions don't tell the whole story of our nation's reaction to Iraq war veterans, but sadly, I'm not convinced it's all that far from the truth -- and those negative reactions probably seem amplified to injured veterans who have to hear them day in and day out. It is more than a little contrived (keeping them all together instead of watching them going their separate ways because the rental car place ran out of cars, for example), but the point is likely a good one, and it looks to be funny and poignant at times along the way.

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A movie called Blindness that's about everyone in the world (or at least everyone in the movie) going blind sounds like it would be a low-budget, creepy, sci-fi thriller. But it's directed by Fernando Meirelles, which raises the bar more than a little. (After all, he brought us City of God and The Constant Gardener.) And he cast an amazingly talented group of actors, starting with Mark Ruffalo and Julianne Moore as the stars (Ruffalo is a doctor who goes blind, Julianne sticks by him and is taken to the prison camp where all of the blind people are herded), and expanding with Danny Glover, Sandra Oh, and the beautiful Gael García Bernal in another bad-guy, creepy role that still can't make him any less lovely. So, put that cast and that director together, and this silly concept (based on a novel) suddenly carries weight. It looks dark and gritty and seriously, seriously creepy. It's a psychological thriller about how we all might treat each other if and when things ever get truly bad. Am I the only one who likes to think that maybe there would be more people standing up for the down-trodden than these movies make it seem? I know I'm probably being naively optimistic, but until it actually happens, I'm choosing to ignore the signs of our terrible human nature.

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The strangest thing about Miracle at St. Anna is that the credit above the title says, "A Spike Lee Joint." Um, a Spike Lee what, now? Is that supposed to be clever? Or hip? Or ... what? Because, I mean, I thought this was a World War II movie. Sure enough, that's what it is. Or, at least, the story within the story is about the Negro 92nd Division in World War II. One of the soldiers of the aforementioned outfit is arrested and an ancient artifact, which he picked up during the war, is found in his home. And with that, the flashbacks begin. The movie looks pretty unsurprisingly terrific; after all, Spike Lee's a great filmmaker who's not afraid of looking at tough issues that are being ignored by everyone else. That said, it's a little strange that the man who was so critical of the way Clint Eastwood made his recent World War II films -- both of which were told using the frame (story within a story) technique -- would use that same tactic. You'd think he'd want to differentiate himself from someone whom he thinks didn't capture the war correctly by not casting any black actors. But this is what we get with Spike Lee, right? Excellent filmmaking coupled with public controversy and the bravado that no one else's films are quite as important as his. You don't have to agree with him to enjoy the movie, after all.

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You should try to forget the last time Richard Gere and Diane Lane starred in a movie together if you want to see Nights in Rodanthe, because recalling her affair and his subsequent murdering of her lover in Unfaithful will probably make you root against their budding romance in this movie. Even just watching the trailer, as it builds toward their meeting and romance, I want to scream at him, "Don't do it! She'll cheat!" And at her: "You'll be unhappy and stray and he'll MURDER YOUR HOT LOVER! Stay away!" Try to ignore those impulses, though, because this isn't an Adrian Lyne movie. It's adapted from a novel by Nicholas Sparks -- you know, the guy who wrote The Notebook. So, that means there will be obstacles of epic proportions (Christopher Meloni would be an obstacle in any relationship, I'd wager), but ultimately our hero and heroine will end up together. Oops! Now the ending's ruined. Though I'm thinking that moviegoers who want to see this particular type of movie know what they're going to get before they even buy their ticket, and that's why they're there in the first place.

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Finally! Another novel from Chuck Palahniuk (who gave us Fight Club) has been adapted into a feature film. This time, it's Choke, another demented, naughty book that'll likely be translated into yet another cult fave film. There's both a regular theatrical trailer and an R-rated red-band trailer. What you'll learn from that red-band trailer is that this is a dirty, dirty movie, filled with profanities, S&M, hand-jobs, sex addictions, and every other profane thing you can think of. Apparently, the message is that it's all about sex. The theatrical trailer makes it a little clearer what the movie's about: Victor (Sam Rockwell) is a "historical interpreter" who also happens to be a sex addict. He's in some sort of support group for it, but he ends up hooking up with girls there, too, of course. Meanwhile his mom is in a home and can't even remember his name. You just know these sex issues have something to do with his mother, and that's never a pleasant thought. He has one friend (that guy from Dexter and October Road) who should be helping him with his "problem" (although if getting lots of out-of-your-league girls to have sex with you is a "problem," I know about a million or so men who would pay for that problem) but is too busy masturbating to pictures of Victor's mom. I think they are pictures from when she was younger, but still: Ew. Seriously, Victor: HE IS NOT YOUR FRIEND. That's pretty much what you get here: kinky sex and obscene humor. Like a Judd Apatow movie on steroids.

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Because Shia LaBeouf can do almost no wrong in my eyes (there was the DUI, but I can't hold it against him unless it happens again, because he's young and we all do stupid things in our youth), I'm actually weirdly excited for Eagle Eye in a way that I'm pretty sure I should not be. After all, this is what we get from the trailer: Shia tells his friends they have a choice of whether to be boys or men. Then he takes their money in a poker game. Turtle from Entourage screams at Shia for being so amazing at poker. There's a lot of smack talk over the poker game as the guys act like ... well -- no offense to the men who might be reading this -- but, guys. Then Shia comes home and finds a bunch of illegal guns, ammunition, and barrels of something (toxic fluids?) at his house. He gets a phone call telling him the FBI will arrive and he should "flee the premises." Which ... if someone's setting you up, do they usually warn you that it's about to happen? I wouldn't think so. Shia says the stuff's not his, and he doesn't flee, so the FBI arrests him. They obviously don't believe he was set up. Billy Bob Thornton (in his Armageddon role as the straight man) eventually realizes that Shia couldn't have done this alone. And Shia ends up running and dodging in front of subways and other exciting action-movie stuff with a girl he seems not to know (they both were "chosen" by the voice who called Shia to warn him). It's all very strange and silly and over-the-top, and yet ... I want to see it because Shia is all grown-up and being an action hero. That is just plain irresistible, I tell you.

If you thought Stuart Townsend was nothing more than that guy hanging on Charlize Theron's arm at every red carpet event, you would be wrong. Not only was he in the very short-lived Night Stalker, but he's also written and directed his own movie, Battle in Seattle. And he got a great cast (Andre Benjamin, Ray Liotta, Michelle Rodriguez, Woody Harrelson, Connie Nielsen, and, of course, Charlize) to sign on. Surprisingly enough, it actually looks decent. It's based on the actual 1999 World Trade Organization convention and ensuing protests in Seattle, and it looks like it hits all the right notes: gritty, sad and informative. The biggest surprise, though, is that it seems like a fairly balanced depiction. From the looks of it, Townsend chose to approach the event from many perspectives (Liotta as a Seattle suit helping to host the WTO; Harrelson as a riot cop; Rodriguez as a protester), but not in that insipid "Let's watch the event from multiple angles" way, a la Vantage Point. Thank GOD. Instead, it appears that the film tries to actually show us how this event changed all of these people's lives -- not just those you'd expect to agree with, but everyone's. A semi-political movie that's sort of unbiased? I can't wait for the fallout.

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It's been hard to like Dakota Fanning for a while, what with her being the only little girl anyone would cast in anything for a number of years. But she might be poised to grow up and impress us all. First indication: her role in Hounddog. The trailer opens with her belting out the song that gives the movie its title - the Elvis version, of course. She has a thing or two to learn about that song, the blues, and life in general, though. She has to learn to fill up the emptiness and weather the abuse in her life with something other than just Elvis (she does love him; she even sees him and shrieks in such a way that you might start to dislike her again). This movie generated a great deal of controversy because of a rather graphic scene in which Fanning's character is viciously raped. And that is obviously terrible, horrible stuff. She didn't have to go quite so far, really, but it is nice to see the young actress showing she has real acting chops playing something other than the cute, sunny, happy little girl in ... everything that was released for a five year stretch.

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If there is a more multi-cultural film than A Thousand Years of Good Prayers, I haven't heard of it. I know movies like Babel try to be this diverse, but it usually ends up feeling forced. This time, it's as natural and organic as real life. A Thousand Years of Good Prayers revolves around a Chinese father who moves to America to live with his daughter after his wife dies. But their relationship is fraught: She keeps secrets; he pries (never a good combination). But he befriends an Iranian woman, whom he meets on a park bench for frequent, happy conversations (could it be love?). The title, according to the trailer's voice-over from our main character, refers to a Chinese saying that "it takes a thousand years of good prayers for a father and daughter to get along." That title might indicate that our protagonist and his daughter end up finding those prayers and getting along. But with a movie like this, it's more about the journey. And the ride for this family looks entertaining and singularly touching.

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I've been trying to figure out why this movie is called Appaloosa, the name of a breed of horse. Sure, it's a Western, but still ... Appaloosa? Even if there is an appaloosa in the movie, that cannot be the most important plot point. Can it? Well, turns out it's not a breed of horse here; it's the name of the town in which Ed Harris and Viggo Mortensen are the law. Oh, and it's based on a novel. And with that out of the way, we can get on to how fantastic this movie looks. First of all, as I mentioned, it stars Harris and Mortensen, both terrific actors in their own rights. And it's directed by Harris, whose other directorial effort was the superb Pollock. In other words, there's a good chance that Renee Zellwegger's annoying acting will not be enough to distract from the good of this movie. And at least she's relegated to the background/love interest so we can focus on our rugged, handsome main attractions. While it has chords of Tombstone (what with the main character and his violent sidekick trying to keep order in the town, facing the resistance of a group of bandits), it also brings in some of Deadwood (the violence and the lawless, soon-to-be-ghost-town setting). With 3:10 To Yuma and now this, it seems the Western might just be alive and well. And that's a very good thing. Reviews By People Who've Already Seen It:
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It's hard to tell if Igor is going to be mostly a movie filled with burping and fart jokes and stunt casting (John Cusack! Sean Hayes! John Cleese! Molly Shannon! Arsenio Hall?) that really has nothing else going for it, or if it's going to be Pixar-level entertainment. Oh, who am I kidding? It's definitely the former. There will probably be a couple laughs (more if you're under ten), but it won't be anything you'll care about -- or even remember -- come this time next year. It will make a good deal of money and probably end up with an Oscar nomination. And this brings me to an entirely different point about how much the animated feature category has ruined the Oscars. I mean, when Monster House and Surf's Up can call themselves "Oscar-nominated," it's a sad, sad day. Or at least a sad category. Anyway, back to Igor: It looks like the basic plot has to do with a mad scientist who goes away, leaving all of his creations to play. And, of course, chaos ensues. I think we've seen this movie about 100 times, but it's usually parents going away and kids (or pets) getting into trouble. I remember when it was Weird Science. Or Don't Tell Mom the Baby Sitter's Dead. Or even Lady and the Tramp, when poor Lady ends up muzzled at a pet shop after the Darlings leave her home alone. Oh, right. Or Home Alone. At any rate, this time it's a mad scientist, but it's still the same old story. Although a lab with potions and science experiments might be at least a little more fun than the usual.

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Lakeview Terrace is the type of generic movie title that makes you feel absolutely nothing. It makes you think, like, "Hmmm. Another completely boring movie title for what's most likely a completely boring, run-of-the-mill movie. And, despite the appearance of the very easy-on-the-eyes Patrick Wilson, the trailer will do little to dissuade you of that notion. Basically, Wilson and his wife move in to a house next door to crazy-pants Samuel L. It's sort of House of Sand and Fog meets Disturbia, until ... we learn that Samuel L.'s a cop. So, he can pretty much get away with anything he wants to. Or, as Ron Glass tells our hero Mr. Wilson, "He has the color issue on his side. And that color happens to be ... blue." It only gets worse from there, because Samuel L.'s cop gets out of control, but so does Patrick Wilson in retaliation. It looks part thriller, part Samuel L. Jackson showboating machine. And we know those only come along a few times a year, so if you're into SLJ's most glorious scenery chewing, you don't want to miss this. If you, like most of the world, have had just about enough, you'd do well to stay away.

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Dear Kate Hudson:
It's nothing personal, really, but could you please, please stop it with the romantic comedies? It's not that you're not good at them. You are. Just like your mother, you're cute and bubbly and lovely. In other words, it's easy to believe you would always get the guy (although a little more difficult to believe you'd ever have any difficulty getting him, but that's for another letter). Your latest rom-com, My Best Friend's Girl, is annoying for several reasons: 1) Dane Cook. This is a huge step down from Matthew McConaughey, don't you think? At one point during the trailer, he tears open a burrito and spreads it on his face. (I only wish I were making this up.) 2) The dialogue is horrifying. Did you notice that Jason Biggs says, "I'm Mr. Right. Just not Mr. Right ... Now." You'll be waiting a long time for the applause on that one, and that made it into the trailer. 3) DANE COOK. 4) It's yet another romantic comedy. I get that this one is more comedy than romance -- the trailer doesn't even make it obvious which one of the losers your character chooses in the end -- but it's still part of the problem.

I'm almost too distracted by Keira Knightley's Marge Simpson hairdo (or is it Bride of Frankenstein?) to fairly discuss The Duchess. But good news: The trailer shows her sporting other, less distracting 'dos, like the pretty kinky curls. But despite this being a "true story" which, among other things, portrays the aforementioned duchess as "the empress of fashion herself," her hair is beside the point, or at least it probably should be. It's hard to tell exactly what the movie's about, but it looks like she's supposed to love one guy (Ralph Fiennes) and chooses another. Okay, someone needs to call the casting director for this movie, because I'm sorry, but you never put Ralph Freaking Fiennes in the role that the woman doesn't choose. Have you looked at him? Listened to him speak? He is gorgeous in every way, and there is no woman in the world who would not choose him. This is a fact. But if you can suspend your disbelief, it looks like there's scandal and sex and intrigue and sweaty makeout sessions (luckily without the high hair). Let's hope at least a few of those involve Mr. Fiennes.

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You'd think Ghost Town would have me more excited than it does. After all, I love Ricky Gervais with the kind of love that makes me list anything he does when asked for my "favorites." But there's a small caveat: these favorites are limited to shows. And I do love any show Ricky's in. I also was more than a little bit addicted to his podcasts (I even bought the Karl Pilkington book and the CD). But here's the thing: Ricky was in Night at the Museum and its upcoming sequel, so forgive me if I'm a little skeptical of his film work.

That said, after watching the trailer, I'm cautiously optimistic. Because Ricky's cranky here -- and the only thing better than a cranky Ricky Gervais is a hopelessly cranky Ricky Gervais. Add what looks like a very likable Greg Kinnear, and I'm sold. Even the sort of ridiculous plot looks entertaining: Ricky's not a people person. And then he dies. For seven minutes. Next thing you know, he's surrounded by all of the dead people who need tasks done for them. If he can complete this one for Greg Kinnear, though, the ghosts all say they'll go away. He just has to stop Greg's widow (Tea Leoni) from marrying a jerk. And the presumption is that she will instead end up falling for Ricky, also a jerk. Despite all of this, it looks good. And seeing Ricky in a starring role in a movie should have Gervais fans all over the world completely giddy.

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The movie studio here clearly realized that if you put Al Pacino and Robert DeNiro in the same movie, you're likely to get a certain audience, no matter how bad your movie is. And, oh my, is Righteous Kill going to be bad. So bad that many press screenings are being held as late as possible (to avoid the negative reviews, I'd wager). Here's the thing: I like DeNiro (when he's good). I like Pacino (when he's not being a hammy overactor). But this movie has been made so many times -- even with Pacino and DeNiro, if we're counting Heat -- that it's impossible to care anymore. What makes this movie "original," apparently, is that the serial killer they're hunting is a cop. What makes the trailer terrible is that THEY TELL US THAT IN IT. I mean, it must not be the big reveal, but it's probably something you're better off not knowing going in. Going for this movie: Donnie Wahlberg, who I can't help but liking. And Carla Gugino, all sexy and smoking (the only negative about her being in it: She's surely a love interest for one of the old guys, and ... why can't men date women their own age in a movie? Why?!). The trailer's closing line is DeNiro saying, "Most people respect the badge. Everybody respects the gun." It's that kind of embarrassing writing that makes me feel ashamed for DeNiro and Pacino. Because they are willing to read that drivel out loud for money.

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You've likely heard of Towelhead [especially if you read our Fall Awards Bait gallery]: It's that movie that had advocacy groups raising a stink about the title, even though it was based on the novel of the same name. Based on the trailer, it looks like the movie's going to be good enough to rise above the controversy, just as you'd expect from Alan Ball. Towelhead centers on Jasira, who has a Lebanese father (you might recognize him under all that fake hair and makeup as art teacher Olivier in Six Feet Under) and an American mom. She also has a black boyfriend, but is ultimately told by her dad not to see him. Because, see? Americans are not the only people who are racist. So instead she appears to start dating a 40-year-old (Aaron Eckhart), but I'm guessing her dad's not going to like this either. Jasira is 13, after all. In fact, much of the trailer involves her dad taking her shopping for tampons, which we'll assume is not the movie's strongest moment considering that Alan Ball, who created Six Feet Under and the new series True Blood -- not to mention penning (and winning an Oscar for) American Beauty, is at the helm.

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I don't know how Tyler Perry became someone whose name comes before anything he's involved in, but he's back with another masterpiece of American cinema, Tyler Perry's The Family That Preys. It looks like this one isn't a comedy, though, but some sort of convoluted, touching family drama. It starts out with a couple getting married, but at the wedding a stranger (Cole Hauser) greets the bride and tells her to call him if she wants a job in his family's business. I am guessing he's a stranger, but then again, why would a stranger be at a wedding? Maybe he was someone's date? Anyway, next thing you know, her sister (how did that happen?) is being offered the promotion Hauser thought was his. And he only thought that it was his because his mother runs the company.

There's lots of back-stabbing and loyalty being called into question. Oh, and extramarital affairs. And there is one really disturbing, thick accent that makes Penny Marshall's wacky one in Everybody Wants to be Italian seem understated. This one comes courtesy of Kathy Bates, and makes me wonder: Was she ever a good actor or has she always been this ridiculous and hard to watch? I mean, that's sort of how you were supposed to feel about her character in Misery (which earned her an Oscar), so maybe she's just been coasting through her career in roles that disguise how truly terrifying she is as an actor. Or maybe she has just forgotten what she's doing. Tyler Perry clearly doesn't care, though, as she's given top billing with that "...and Kathy Bates" introduction that signifies someone is revered. Maybe that special treatment is what made Kathy think she could phone it in here. Note to filmmakers: Please don't treat older actors with so much respect that they think they don't have to try. It doesn't serve anyone.

It's nice to know there are still movies being written that give women roles of substance. And The Women must give a handful of actresses a chance to show their chops, right? After all: It's right there in the title that it's all about women. The question is: Is this really the venue women want? A movie about a lady (Debra Messing) who keeps trying to get pregnant until she has a boy? Or a seemingly together woman (Meg Ryan) being cheated on with "the spritzer girl"? Or... mistress spritzer girl (Eva Mendes) herself? And the women who are friends with these people? Honestly, is this all women amount to? Gossiping busybodies who have nothing better to do than take their friends away on a weekend to tell them their husbands are cheating? Or baby-making machines? Or makeover victims who are desperate to get pretty, because that's the best way to get back at the cheating bastard? Or "spritzer girls"? I was hoping we had evolved a little further than that. I know I should be applauding the fact that there's a movie written and directed by a woman starring a bunch of women (I don't recall seeing a single male in the trailer, in fact), but it would be nice to see a movie about women that wasn't about the myriad ways that their lives center around, are focused on, and dependent upon men. Because women like this do exist. You wouldn't know it judging from this movie, though, which should be called The Really Stupid Women Whose Lives Center Around Men.

Reviews By People Who've Actually Seen It:

Variety
Rotten Tomatoes

The Coen Brothers have always been indie darlings, but since their big Oscar wins for No Country for Old Men, they are so much more. Take, for example, Burn After Reading. First it opened the Venice Film Fest last month. And now it's opening on a hundred million screens (actually only 2,300, which isn't even the most screens for a movie opening this weekend, but it helps my point to exaggerate), and even offering midnight screenings on Thursday night. In other words: These guys have made it. Not that they hadn't made it before, but now they're, like, really really famous. Which usually means all street cred and respectability will soon dissipate (although, if they still have those things after Ladykillers, they're awfully resilient). Let's hope they keep doing good work. Burn After Reading looks worth your time. I mean, movies don't have to star Brad Pitt and George Clooney to pique my interest, but it definitely helps. And have you seen that red-band trailer? Brad Pitt is at his crazy, hilarious best, helped along by the most ridiculous slicked-back '80s 'do since, well, the '80s. It's a little confusing because there are so many characters, but those characters are all played by people worth going to a movie for all by themselves (Pitt, Clooney, Frances McDormand, Tilda Swinton, John Malkovich, Richard Jenkins, J.K. Simmons). And they're acting strange and saying oddball things. It looks like it could be another Big Lebowski situation, with a cult following of fans that are still quoting the movie (and having festivals in its honor) ten years from now and beyond.

Reviews By People Who've Actually Seen It:
Variety
Rotten Tomatoes

Believe it or not, Ping Pong Playa is not a movie about basketball. I know, I know, it's surprising. Instead, it's a film about Christopher Wang (pronounced "wong," rhymes with long, according to the trailer), an Asian-American who wants more than anything to play basketball. He proves this by being tall, sleeping a lot, and shooting hoops. But then his mother gets into a car accident and sprains her wrists, meaning the movie all of a sudden is about ... you guessed it: ping pong. Because, see, Chris's mom teaches a ping pong class, and now he's going to have to take it over. Chris also happens to not be the most kid-friendly of people. And we all know what happens when you combine a funny, kid-hating adult with a group of kids, right? Hilarity ensues. (No, really, this time it looks like actual hilarity rather than the manufactured kind.) The movie looks like it pokes fun at Asian-American stereotypes (hello? Ping pong?), short shorts and white people, among other things. And Peter Paige plays a competitive ping pong player (Chris's nemesis, I'm guessing). If you're going to see just one movie this week, try to make it this one. Even if you have to fly to New York or L.A. to see this, it's going to be worth it to avoid Bangkok Dangerous and Everybody Wants to Be Italian, I promise.

Reviews By People Who've Already Seen It:
Variety
Rotten Tomatoes

A bit of advice for whoever put together the trailer for Everybody Wants to Be Italian: Leading with a bloated, overly tan, thickly accented, silicone-lipped Penny Marshall (who manages to make things even worse when she speaks: "You make me wanna vomit with this girl.") might not send the message you're trying to send about your movie. Unless, that is, you are trying to tell people to pretend this movie does not exist, which is what I am trying to do right now. It doesn't get a lot better from there, what with the "homophiliac." "You mean hemophiliac?" joke and the way all of the actors are portraying Italian Americans as over-the-top, ridiculous stereotypes. And there's the main story line, in which a young guy named Jake is torn between two girls. One is more Italian than the other, apparently, so all of his over-the-top Italian mentors want him with the more Italian one. The problem with it is that both girls look the same, so in the trailer, unless you pay particularly close attention (and remember how they led with Penny Marshall? Yeah, you won't be paying close attention), you'll wonder why there is confusion because it looks like he's only with one girlfriend. Yet another reason not to watch the movie. And if you need a final one, here you go: The movie's website compares it to My Big Fat Greek Wedding. If the best comparison you can get is a no-longer-relevant, overrated movie that everyone forgot years ago, your movie is probably going nowhere.

Reviews By People Who've Actually Seen It:
Rotten Tomatoes

Warning: Bangkok Dangerous is not a high-brow foreign action film. It's just trying to sound like it is. But, no, Nicolas Cage plays a guy name "Joe" (we know this thanks to his even-more-annoying-than-voice-over-guy's voice-over in the trailer) who is traveling to Thailand for work of some type. He travels a lot and is always alone, blah, blah, blah. With the way they're promoting Cage as the star, but also trying to make it look like a kung-fu movie, it's hard to tell what this thing is actually about. Thankfully, the trailer gives us a few more clues: It starts with Cage's faux-thoughtful voice-over, but then cuts to lots of action. Then we get the gravelly voiced regular voice-over guy (when one voice-over isn't enough...), who says, "When it comes to killing: Make it quick. Make it clean. And never make it personal." Okay, I'm going to take a stab at pigeonholing it: This is a silly, shoot-em-up action movie starring Nic Cage that takes itself entirely -- embarrassingly -- too seriously.

Reviews By People Who've Actually Seen It:
Variety