Oye Lucky! Lucky Oye! is another Bollywood film with a crazy-catchy tagline: "40 TVs, 93 DVD players, 580 shirts, 240 music systems, 78 boxes of jewellery [sic], 31 cars, 2 dogs, & one greeting card..." Which means absolutely nothing at all, and doesn't remotely give an indication of what the movie might be about. I think they've officially gone too far with the "clever" taglines. And the fact that the numbers are different in the trailer doesn't help make it any clearer. You know what else doesn't help? A trailer that doesn't have English subtitles or voiceover, so I have no idea what's going on in it.

The Secrets looks like a truly engaging, enjoyable (if dark) movie that will probably appeal to only a select few, no matter how hard they try to sell it. First of all, it's a foreign film. And it's also about orthodox Jewish women, who have at least one secret they don't talk about: someday they believe a woman will be a rabbi. There seem to be other secrets too: One of the women killed a man for love. Oh, and two of the women are in love. Or at least making out in secret behind hanging clothing, even though this is forbidden (we know this by the ominous music and the fact that one of the women marries a man anyway). Not exactly a film that screams blockbuster, but it will appeal to the arthouse crowd it's intended for.

Another Transporter movie? Really? Because the first two were so excellent that a third was warranted? Yeah, I didn't think so, Also, why does Jason Statham keep making the same movie over and over again? Is it laziness? Granted he is good at this role he keeps playing in this series, plus Revolver, The Bank Job and Crank (and its upcoming sequel, which proves he wants to keep making the same movie so badly that he actually is willing to bring his character back from the dead). At least with The Bank Job he was a bank robber instead of a ... transporter again. But Transporter 3 must be different, right?

Why does a movie starring two people I normally like have to look as terrible as Four Christmases? Why? First off, there's that terrible conceit, completely set up and given away in the trailer: Vince Vaughn and Reese Witherspoon never spend Christmas with their families, but this year they get stuck at the airport and their families see them on the news (how many times has that happened to you? I know! All the time, right?!) so they can't avoid Christmas any longer. For them, that means four Christmases, though, and all of them are full of famous people in roles that make them look like idiots: Jon Favreau as a musclehead (and if that's really what he looks like now, I have to know if he's been using supplements, or steroids, because I remember just a few years ago when he was fat); Robert Duvall as Vaughn's pervy dad; Sissy Spacek as Vaughn's mom, who's dating a much younger man, who was Vaughn's best friend in school; Kristin Chenoweth and Mary Steenburgen as Reese's sister (I think) and mom, respectively. There are very hilarious and original jokes, such as: Reese used to be fat and Vince sees a picture and makes fun of her. She gets trapped in the bounce house with a bunch of rowdy kids. Vince's brothers (trained UFC fighters) beating the crap out of him. A baby projectile-vomits on Reese's cute black dress. Um, yeah, hilarious. I think it's so funny that I'll avoid seeing it so that I don't hurt myself with the laughing.

Reviews by People Who've Actually Seen It:
Rotten Tomatoes
Variety

You can't really make a movie called Australia without casting Nicole Kidman and Hugh Jackman, right? And Baz Luhrmann would know, being Australian himself. The trailer shows Kidman telling a story to a young Aboriginal boy, and that appears to be the story that the movie depicts: about fighting for land during World War II. You'd think that a movie called Australia by Luhrmann would allow Kidman and Jackman to speak in their native accents, right? Well, you'd only be half right, since Kidman apparently plays a British woman. The movie looks beautifully shot, and epic, and all of that. And it will surely make everyone want to go visit Australia's beautiful landscapes (everything looks good though Luhrmann's lens, after all). But the trailer doesn't give too much indication about what it actually is about, or who they're fighting off (is it an entire army? If so, they might not be up to that challenge), or how she and Jackman meet, or who the young Aboriginal boy is. I like when trailers are mysterious enough not to give the movie away, so good on 'em for that. But, then again, it should leave me with at least some idea what the film's about, shouldn't it? I guess not necessarily, if there's this much pretty (Jackman, Kidman, Australia, the lovely little boy) to draw us in.

Reviews by People Who've Actually Seen It:
Rotten Tomatoes
Variety

I'm going to have to urge you not to look at the official site for Special (I know I linked to it, but that's for informational purposes only) because it makes the movie look like the stupidest, cheapest, most ridiculous thing in cinematic history. Instead, watch the trailer, which ...Okay it still has a completely ridiculous concept. But in a good way. Michael Rapaport, who I have alternately loved (Beautiful Girls, Friends) and hated (The War At Home), stars as a guy participating in a clinical study that somehow makes him think he has superpowers. He starts dressing up in what looks like an astronaut Halloween costume and running around (and into things) fighting crime and otherwise trying to be a hero. People keep mistaking him for a criminal or a crazy person (that actually wouldn't be a mistake), but he's just a telepathic superhero trying to do right, okay? His therapist -- who put him on the clinical trial -- basically tells him it's a side effect. From there on, where the movie goes is up for grabs. But it's enough to sell me on it. I honestly have no idea how it's going to end. Added bonus: this definitely looks like the Michael Rapaport I love. The rest of the cast is a bunch of familiar but lesser-known actors, so unless you live in some dimension where Michael Rapaport = Brad Pitt, you won't be seeing this one for its star power, but for the charm of the kooky story. Which is reason enough.

Reviews By People Who've Actually Seen It:
Entertainment Weekly
Rotten Tomatoes

Lake City is so very, very indie that even now, less than a week before its release, clicking on "video" on the movie's official site leads you to the message, "Trailer Coming Soon." Luckily, someone leaked a temp version of the trailer to YouTube, and we can carry on with what we do best on this blog: judging a movie by its trailer (okay, okay, that's actually all we do here). But don't let the "indie" badge it wears so proudly fool you: its star pedigree and festival inclusions at Tribeca, Austin, and Virginia (I know; but it's set in Virginia, okay?) give it serious heft. Sissy Spacek, Troy Garity (Jane Fonda's son, who was so marvelous in Soldier's Girl with Lee Pace in drag), Rebecca Romijn, Keith Carradine, Drea De Matteo and ... Dave Matthews round out the A-list cast.

The tagline for I Can't Think Straight is "Just another British, Indian, Muslim, Arab, Christian, lesbian Romantic Comedy." Pretty clever, if a little on-the-nose. But, hey, if your movie concept is original enough that stating it matter-of-factly still makes it sound different, why not go for it? Of course, it's not the first lesbian film made by and about women from a culture that is intolerant of homosexuality (you know ... even more intolerant than our culture). Fire was way ahead of the curve on that, after all. And honestly? Fire was probably a lot better than this one, judging by the wacky hijinks in the trailer. It looks like I Can't Think Straight is trying really hard to be funny about a subject that's not all that comical.

I'm pretty creeped out by anything that pairs Miley Cyrus and John Travolta, so I go into Bolt with an obvious bias. Factor in that it's one of those super-bright, ultra-cartoony animated films and that the jokes in the trailer couldn't be much dumber ("How do you say, 'No way I'm doing this' in crazy?" was a line the producers thought would sell the film?). Finally, they used that Junkie XL remix of Elvis Presley's "A Little Less Conversation" that was barely worth a listen when it was released ALMOST SEVEN YEARS AGO and is completely irrelevant now -- it's not a song/remix that screams "timeless" or anything. In other words, there are at least ten reasons to avoid seeing Bolt -- and that's going by the trailer alone. The obvious assumption is that there will be at least five times more in the actual movie. Disney has certainly caught a bad case of "Let's make this movie for no reason but money," what with Beverly Hills Chihuahua and now this. And the sad thing is, it seems to be working out well for them.

Reviews By People Who've Actually Seen It:
Variety
Rotten Tomatoes

Oh, dear God. Twilight. What is there to say about this movie that hasn't been said, obsessed over, analyzed, disputed, said in a new way, retracted, and obsessed over some more? That's only sort of a joke. The buzz this movie's been building is unlike anything I can remember. It's sort of like Harry Potter, but because it appeals to a slightly older crowd (tweens right on up to middle-aged women), it's literally been everywhere. The actors in this movie have likely already had to learn that they can't really lead normal lives anymore. And it's barely begun. The trailer looks a little bit cheesy, if we're being honest. Which is appropriate, I guess, since the books are a little cheesy, too. That's not to say I'm not looking forward to seeing it, because I am. Having read Twilight,, I'm not all that interested in reading any more of the books. But as a movie? I'm totally in.

You know how so many people have pretended to be gay, but no one's ever made a movie about their plight? How difficult it is for them to be straight in a gay world? Dostana finally answers the call for this important "message" film about two guys pretending to be gay, and the girl caught in the middle, possibly pretending to be their beard. It's hard to tell what's going on from the trailer, because it's really nothing more than a music video, all techno music blaring and sexy bodies and dancing around and scenes of sunny Miami.

The concept of The Dukes is not a concept many of us will be rushing out to see writ large on the silver screen: And that is a story of some washed-up singers-turned-mobsters trying to break back into the music business. It stars Chazz Palminteri, Peter Bogdanovich and Robert Davi (also known as the bad guy from The Goonies), who also directed. There are appearances in the trailer alone from numerous other "Hey! It's that guy!" types, from The Sopranos actors to Jan from The Office, all of them sure to make it worth a look. Oh, and during the trailer, Davi even ends up in a tomato suit at one point. You've got to love that.

Not to be confused with A Christmas Story (which is having its 25th anniversary this year), A Christmas Tale is really a drama (with some laughs) about a family that reunites during the holiday season after one of the three children has been estranged -- or, rather, banished by his sister -- for six years. The reason for the reunion is that the matriarch of the family has cancer and she needs bone marrow. The middle son might be the perfect match, though he's failed the family in so many other ways. So, yeah, cancer and family dysfunction? Probably not quite as hilarious as Story, though it will have its moments. Also, it's in French. And stars Catherine Deneuve.

Warning: I am not a James Bond fan. I just cannot get into the spy, gadgety thing (though I loved Alias). That said, I am so excited for Quantum of Solace, I can hardly stand it. There are two reasons: 1. Daniel Craig. I used to think there could not be a person better suited to play James Bond than Pierce Brosnan. But then, I'd never imagined Bond could be this sort of rougher-edged (but still hot, sleek, and sexy) type. Craig disproved me, and everyone. 2. THAT TRAILER. OMG! SQUEE! AWESOME! Oh, I'm sorry. I'm supposed to be able to contain myself. But come on! That trailer makes this look like the most breath-taking, serious-action-movie Bond movie in the history of ever.

This is a musical, but it's a far cry from High School Musical 3 or Mamma Mia! or any other recent mainstream theatrical musical for that matter. Repo: The Genetic Opera is very much its own beast. This is more like rock opera version of Children of Men . It appears to be about a future in which everyone's organs are failing and the world is filled with folks addicted to surgery and painkillers.

Otto; Or, Up With Dead People appears to be equal parts zombie movie and soft-core gay porn. I'm honestly not sure what the filmmakers were trying to accomplish with this trailer (which is more of a music video than a trailer, really, because it's all about the imagery and music, with not a bit of plot). It basically shows orgy/bathhouse scenes interspersed with a zombie taking bites out of a bird, feathers and all; and scenes of gay men kissing in various places (um ... places as in locations; the kissing seems to mostly be on the lips -- at least in the trailer) along with scenes of creepy-looking burials and cutting up meat. Really. It doesn't give me much to work with. It's the type of movie that's trying incredibly hard to be edgy, and doesn't accomplish very much other than alienating people. Sure, it was a film fest selection, but when exactly have film festivals been all that choosy anyway?

Soul Men is like the funny, male version of Dreamgirls. Here's what happens: a former soul duo (Bernie Mac and Samuel L. Jackson) haven't spoken in years, but end up coming back together when their former group leader (John Legend) dies. I can't tell if this is one of Jackson's good movies or one of his terrible ones. But the late Bernie Mac is almost always a riot, and since this was his last movie, it will likely be worth watching just for him. That said, Jackson makes far more bad choices than good ones, so there's at least a 50% chance this is a dud. And if you need more convincing, watch the trailer, which is full of clunky, on-the-nose dialogue. It also features silly gags, from guns accidentally firing to false teeth removal during sex.

It's hard to know what to make of Role Models. After all, it stars Paul Rudd, who it's impossible to dislike in anything (seriously: impossible. Try it). But it also stars Seann William Scott, who has made an entire career out of being unlikeable and terrible in all sorts of things, from the American Pie movies to Southland Tales. With the conflicting preconceived notions, all a person has to rely on when judging this movie without seeing it is the trailer. And this one is actually pretty funny. I wanted to just hate it, because it's so easy to make fun of these buddy comedies right now. But then I found out Rudd helped write it, so I wanted to love it. And I sort of do. It's also from the same guys who brought us Stella, The State, and Wet Hot American Summer -- all of which are funny but sometimes try too hard. But when you add funny ladies Elizabeth Banks and Jane Lynch, Superbad's McLovin, and some legitimately funny kids, especially Bobb'e J. Thompson, you've got yourself a winning formula, Seann William Scott or not.

Reviews By People Who've Actually Seen It:
Variety
Rotten Tomatoes

Sure, The Boy in the Striped Pajamas sounds like a cutesy movie title, all little boys and sleepy-time. But that's not at all what you're in for. This one is not so much with the cute and cuddly, and much more with the tear-jerking. Based on the novel of the same name, this movie is about Bruno, the young son of a Nazi soldier. He's your typical eight-year-old boy: he likes to explore, play checkers, make friends. So when they are moved out of Berlin, Bruno explores all the way to the fence around a concentration camp that he happens to live near. He meets a young boy his age in "striped pajamas," and they become friends. Problem is? He's a Jew, and is supposed to be the enemy. I haven't read the novel, but the movie looks like it raises important questions, about what it meant to be a soldier during the Nazi regime (they couldn't have all been bad, right?), and even what it means to be a soldier blindly following orders now. This is one of those stories that points out how the world could be so much simpler if we all looked at it through the eyes of children (unlike the genre that supposes kids are evil). It's likely to be touching and sad and inspiring, and might leave you even more depressed once you leave the theater and step back into a world that's run by adults.

Reviews By People Who've Actually Seen It:
Variety
Rotten Tomatoes

I am proud to say that I've never looked forward to a movie starring Jean-Claude Van Damme, but JCVD, that's all changing. Because this movie -- in which Van Damme plays himself, flaws and all - could be the most brilliant and original idea for a film since Being John Malkovich put Malkovich in a portal into himself. The concept: The film star ends up in the wrong place at the wrong time when a hold-up takes place. But the trailer makes it look like Van Damme himself is the one doing the holding up, asking for $6 million. It looks like he's broke, broken down, out of luck, and desperate, and he's willing to take drastic -- um, maybe "insane" would be more accurate -- measures to get out of the hole he's in. Heck, even Steven Seagal's apparently better off these days. That's just sad. Van Damme looks weathered and weary and sad here, and I have to ask: Can you win an Oscar for portraying yourself on film? If so, this guy's might just be in the bag. The Muscles from Brussels a possible Oscar contender? Seriously? I'm not even kidding. Okay, okay, I am actually kidding, but it's at least going to be better than anything else you've ever seen the guy do. That's something, isn't it? Not much, I know. But something.

Reviews By People Who've Actually Seen It:
Variety
Rotten Tomatoes

I haven't seen the first Madagascar, but somehow I still feel comfortable telling you the sequel -- with the awful title Madagascar: Escape 2 Africa -- is going to be wretched. See? Almost without exception, sequels to full-length animated films are terrible. (I only say "almost" because of Toy Story 2.) And when the first film isn't anything to write home about, it's even worse. The trailer's selling points include: the song "I Like to Move It" (which I would have liked to go my entire life without ever having stuck in my head again); close-up butt shots of the whole crew of animals from the film during the playing of "I Like to Move It" (note: two wrongs don't make a right), penguin flight jokes (they can't fly; get it?), and more of the same. In other words: nothing worth watching, unless you are six years old. And even then, I hope this isn't your favorite movie or anything. I would hate to have to judge a six-year-old's taste in film. How they get such a great voice cast -- including Alec Baldwin, Ben Stiller, Sacha Baron Cohen, and Chris Rock -- to sign on is beyond me. Oh, wait; it isn't. Money. That's all this movie's about, folks. So save us from another one like it by not spending your money on this one.

Reviews By People Who've Actually Seen It:
Variety