Maybe it's because I've never read the comics, but there aren't many things in the world that look worse to me than The Spirit does. I really don't think it's about me not reading the comics either, because it just looks like it has the most terrible dialogue in the history of film. (Yes, I'm saying this in a world with Keanu Reeves.) It's like this movie wants to be 300 and Sin City, but is failing miserably. Mainly because it's trying to be something else, and those movies were both so original and innovative.
Don't believe me? Watch the trailer. I dare you not to laugh -- even if you're a big fan of the comics. Because, seriously, we start with a scream, then we get a lot of noise and shadows but nothing we can make out, then a woman breathes, "What are you?" And then we just get an eye mask that looks like Robin. More shadows. And then helicopters in the snow. Oooh. How ominous! And then our titular hero, saying, "'What are you?' That's what the woman asked me." See, here's the thing: Trailers aren't that long, so you really shouldn't waste them repeating things twice. Anyway, the Spirit is all in black and white with a red tie. And then the lady's all black and white with a blue eye. For no reason whatsoever, other than to make this look more like Sin City than it deserves to. And he goes on: "Am I some sort of ghost? I still move. I still breathe. I'm still alive." Wow. How deep. And then we get sexy vixen-ish, comic book fetish types: Scarlett Johansson and Eva Mendes. And Samuel Jackson with some sort of streaking black tears running down his face. I think it's makeup (part of his supervillain costume). Then super, cartoonish, laughable fighting (nothing like the gore in Sin City or 300, of course). And Samuel Jackson's all, "I'm the Octopus. I got eight of everything." What? Seriously, view at your own risk. And if it's good, please let me know that I was wrong, because -- for the sake of the comics' fans -- I really do want to be. Oh, wait, the end of the trailer has the Spirit saying, "I'm gonna kill you all kinds of dead." That won me over. Except that it didn't.
Who the Hell is Spirit? We've got the rundown.