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A.K.A. The Plant

Grow house. Andy excitedly tells Doug that he found a hookah in the closet. As they fire it up, Doug says that Mr. Ivakian was always inviting him over to share a hookah, but Doug thought he was a pervert; turns out he was just a "party brother." Andy asks what Doug would wish for if there were a genie in the hookah. Doug spins a yarn about an amazing Chinese restaurant he went to once in San Francisco, with unbelievable General Tso's chicken; he'd wish to fuck the hostess. Andy says that he'd wish for $180 billion. Doug is surprised that Andy would choose cash over ass, but Andy rejoins that "cash equals ass." Doug marvels that he would choose ass over cash, surmising that he must be even hornier than he thought. Andy asks if things have slowed down with Doug's wife, and Doug says that it used to be intense between them, but now he doesn't know how to ask the woman who makes his kids' lunches to suck his balls, or "spread her ass open like a geometry compass." Andy says he doesn't like this game anymore. Apparently Dana doesn't either.

Conrad enters with Nancy and says that they're "good to grow." Andy does a celebratory doobie dance, and Nancy complains that he's already high -- and well before 4:20, too. Andy says that she can't expect him to do manual labour while sober. Conrad explains that they have to keep the grow area pristinely clean. Someone comes to the door, and Andy excitedly says that'll be their DSL installation. Conrad and Nancy freak out on him, reminding him that they are supposed to be practising discretion right now. Conrad asks what name he put on the DSL order, and Andy answers, "Nancy Botwin...shit." Nancy literally kicks him in the ass, and Conrad goes to the door to tell the installer that they've decided that the internet is a fad, and tears up the work order for good measure.

Back inside, Conrad declines a pull at the hookah, saying that they need to get the place ready before Victor comes the next day to set up all the equipment. Nancy checks that they trust Victor with the gig, and Conrad says that all the guy does is set up grow-ops; if he busts one, he'll "fuck up his entire livelihood." Conrad starts enthusing about the setup they're getting, and Nancy figures out that they're going over budget. Conrad tells her not to worry, saying that he projects they'll be making $1,000,000 a year in revenue. He tries to brush off her questions about specifics, but finally asks whether she has the cash. "No," says Nancy flatly. As Conrad's face falls, she adds that Lacy might. Lacy's got it all!

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