Bridezillas
Angela & Shelayna

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The Bridezilla Who Wasn't

As they're working, Shelayna suddenly cries out for a paper towel because her pooch, Bambi, peed on the floor, "And my dress is fixin' to go in it." I love the thought of her dress preparing of its own accord to march over and into the puddle of dog urine. Mindy narrates, "Bambi's not the only one trying to rain on Shelayna's parade." Really, someone wrote that line and you read it and no one questioned just how disgusting it was? Wow. Much like a dumb puppy, Bart is trying to come inside and there's a lot of high-pitched screaming at him to get out. He seems slow to move, but gets out before seeing his blushing bride in her gown. He heads outside to start mucking around with the BBQ (hope he's not looking for the hacksaw) and Shelayna's mother comes out to give him a talking-to. This conversation really resembles someone trying to talk rationally to a misbehaving eight-year-old. I don't like her mom for her attitude, and I don't like him for falling neatly into the role of misbehaving boy. She accuses him of trying to look through the open window right next to the BBQ where we can see the film crew. After he mumbles something and is glared at a lot, some rocket scientist finally decides to just CLOSE THE BLINDS. He mumbles one parting shot: "That's where I do my best work. When I'm in trouble." At this, the dog pees on the floor again and Shelayna just laughs. Because when your pets aren't housebroken, it's funny.

Mindy then says, "Though Shelayna's family members have spent all afternoon trying to build her dress, Shelayna acts like she's the one who had to play carpenter." The bride-to-be illustrates this by talking about how tedious it was to stand for hours and her feet hurting. "You know, that's enough to put you in a bad mood." Then through the Magic of Editing she adds, "There's days I want to throw up my hands and go, 'To hell with this.'" Honestly, with the narration trying to shove down my throat just how monstrous these women are, my reaction is only to defend them. Shelayna is trying, but still not a full-blown 'zilla (yet, I'll certainly add a yet), and the more Mindy tries to convince me, the more I look for evidence otherwise.

Back to Angela, whom we're told has to juggle work and wedding. She still hasn't heard from the errant bridesmaid and is pissed, but also matter-of-fact. "We're having some, uh, bridesmaid problems, so, am I upset? Sure, I'm upset. Is it something I kind of expected already? Yeah." Angela, dear, why is someone in your wedding party who you expected to bail? Anyhoodle, after errands, she goes to the airport to pick up her cousin Ysadora, who has arrived for the bridal shower. Angela talks about how amazing she's been, and when she pulls up they look elated to see each other and hug and grin. They talk about the wayward 'maid, and despite Mindy trying her best to make the situation sound very desperate, Ysadora calmly tells her that if she doesn't care if Flaky shows up or not, leave it be, but if it will cause issues, call and get an answer. Angela decides to wait. Ysadora insists: "I mean, you don't need drama. Just call her!" But Angela just seems to not want confrontation, which I understand completely as someone who will back down at the first whiff of a showdown. This attitude is also kind of anti-'zilla. She's really not living up to the casting director's dreams of her, I would imagine. Angela later tells Ysadora how exhausted she is lately and wishes she had some more time at work to get more done so that she can really relax on her honeymoon. And for the umpteenth time -- a logical complaint and understandable problem, and she's not being bitchy about it in the least. She and Ysadora are far too friendly and understanding of one another. Don't they know what show they're on?? Angela makes a half-hearted attempt as she gets back in the car after pumping gas, telling Ysadora what she'd love to yell at the person who blocked her car. Did she yell at the person? No. Did she do what any one of us does every day, which is pretend to be a bad-ass but only behind a stranger's back? Yes. The problem with Mindy's narration that she "vents" on someone here is that it runs over the footage that completely contradicts her line. Well played, producers. Well played.

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Bridezillas

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