Back from Africa

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Crap from Africa

Who would really notice or care if I skipped the segment on Linda "Didn't Your Momma Never Teach You Not to Hug People by Force?" Spencer? I'd actually be doing the reading audience a service, but as your trusty recapper, alas, I cannot. Linda tells us that going on Survivor and being in Kenya were very important to her. She blathers on about the African spirits in a clip, and she's still blathering now. Incidentally, she means a whole different kind of African spirits than the kind Big Tom enjoyed while there. She says she felt protected in Africa, and that life is different for her now. She insists that she's still the same person, and then we see the "Did your momma never hug ya?" clip, which seems like the juxtapository work of a particularly malicious editor. No complaints here. Linda says she's undergone "a transformation" as she does yoga. She's calmer now, and more focused on what's important -- family and friends -- as we see her helping her son with homework. Linda's husband James wasn't surprised that Linda wanted to do Survivor; he's seen her interests escalate from "race walking to rollerblading to mountain yoga." He says she is very passionate about her interests.

A discussion of Linda's cancer calls for rainy weather. She says she felt like her life was spinning out of control after her diagnosis, so she decided to climb Mount Rainier. We see pictures of Linda on various summits as she voice-overs that it's not about the destination, it's about the journey. I thought that was a pretty cool expression. When I was twelve. For Linda, though, "it's really a metaphor for how [she tries] to live [her] life." Linda's son Jared says she always has a positive attitude and tells him to strive for his dreams. Dreams, in this case, constitute the drinking of cow's blood as we see the clip of blood-lusty Linda. Her son, by the way, could fall into the "shifty" category, as well. Linda says she didn't go on Survivor for fortune or fame, which is a good thing because she's not getting either of those. Instead she wanted "an exciting, interesting, and challenging adventure." Her experiences on the show taught her to pursue her dreams, and that "life is the ultimate adventure." She says we should all "go for it!"

Lindsey "My Life's an Embarrassing Moment" Richter snowboards and cheers for herself in Mt. Hood, Oregon. It's good that she's cheering for herself, because there's no one else to do it for her. She tells us that before Survivor, her life was a monotonous routine of working out, training on her bike, and flying back and forth to see her boyfriend. She sits next to him in a car and says, "I hope my boyfriend doesn't wake up some mornings and think, 'God! What is next to me?'" He doesn't even crack a smile beside her, because he's too busy wondering how she read his mind. They kiss showily, and then Lindsey tells us she was ready for something "big and exciting" to turn her life around. The clip they show suggests she got a big and exciting tick in her ass. Lindsey's father Peter says, "Lindsey is who she is," and "what you see is what you get," and that sums up her personality. He doesn't say anything about that being a good thing. We see a soccer picture of Lindsey from when she was little as she tells us in a voice-over that she's competitive, emotional, and intense. She says of her feelings in Africa: "I just went back and forth from one to another!" We see Lindsey whining about her kidneys, and a gratuitous clip of Frank saying, "Barbie went down in Africa." This is followed by the "No wonder I have cramps!" clip, and Lindsey tells us now, "That was a great moment, wasn't it?" She says it was one of the most embarrassing moments of her life; this proclamation is accompanied by Frank snarling that they're not at the mall. She calls the comment a "big, big mistake coming out of my big, big mouth." Now Lindsey brushes her teeth and yells at Samburu, "And trust me when I'm pumped you don't wanna fuck with me!" Lindsey's mother sits on a sofa and tells us that when she watched the episode she thought, "Huh! I think she said the 'f' word!" Her father says Lindsey "speaks her mind" and is extremely honest and truthful. I suppose one could say these clips are all of Lindsey "speak[ing] her mind" and being "honest" and "truthful." Or you could say they're of Lindsey being a big baby. But that's your call.

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