Back To School

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Lesson Seven: If You Can't Say Anything Well…

"Adam, have you ever had sex before?" Carolyn is like, "Holy balls!" Adam, to his credit, answers well: "Honestly, sir? I don't feel comfortable answering that question." You just did, but way to keep your cool nonetheless. Trump -- who should know from awkward situations, having just created several doozy examples tonight already, and about to do it several more times -- asks whether Adam didn't in fact get himself into a "very bad position" talking about sex, because it's something Adam's "just not very familiar with," which is a silly way to get this underway, because: I've never been on a reality show, Anderson Cooper's never been a terrorist, and James Marsters is not, as far as I know, an actual vampire, yet we all muddle through. Adam, who is actually pretty impressive throughout, acknowledges that it was awkward at first, but that he was able to "take that difficult situation and make it into an even more productive class," and again it's like Rebecca has stepped into his body and is shining her crazy spotlights through his eyes.

Plus, and this is most important, it's not the virginity that's the problem; it's the freaky fear of all things sexual that's the problem in this particular 22-year-old. He's a very good-looking kid, but the virgin thing is not the big shocker here. It's the way he reacts to sex the way Toral does milkshakes that's the problem. Trust Trump to get this point across as horribly as possible: "How can you be afraid to talk about sex? Sex is, like, not a big deal! How can you be afraid?" Adam does not rise to this bait either, explaining evenly (if intensely) that, again, he used the time of the task to acclimate himself to the topic, and ended up "embracing" it as an "important issue" that should be discussed. Which it only is in the world of, like, Sex In The City, because in the real world, again, the answer is "NO." Much shorter conversation.

"Clay, is Adam weak?" Clay, remembering how well the whole "How's My Driving?" thing worked in Week One for denigrating Markus -- and perhaps obliquely referencing how irritatingly patient Adam was with Markus this week -- says that he is, for leading by consensus. Markus also feels that Clay is weak, which he is not, and which is funny, because they were praising him a few minutes ago.

Carolyn, smiling indulgently and frighteningly, asks Markus again what he actually did on the task, and is rewarded with some golden, priceless Markusing: "What I did was, I had talked to -- I had one -- uh -- lady speak to her…" Carolyn interrupts this obvious dead end to explain her belief that Markus subscribes to the CYA theory (Markus: "The what now?"), that he covers his ass by being useless and negative and keeping the option open of saying "I told you so."

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