After she gets off the phone, Skyler starts dealing blackjack hands for Walt. If he's going to sell the idea that he made millions by learning to game the casinos, he should probably get good at the actual game, right? Of course, even with Walter (exasperated like WHOA) successfully counting cards, playing his percentages, and making the right calls as to hitting and staying, he still can't win them all. Skyler gets frustrated, but this plan is a fool's errand. He's just not going to get unbeatable at cards in the span of an afternoon tutorial. Besides, as Walt points out, he's supposed to be in recovery. Why would he even need to be around cards at all? This idea actually lands with Skyler, and she says he's right. How often do you think THAT gets said around the house these days?
Next up, Skyler hands Walt a packet of notes -- "bullet points," she says, providing the episode title with its most literal antecedent. They need to get their story straight, Skyler stresses. "We need to be word perfect." Walt scoffs at the idea that they need to sell Marie on a story they already told her, and he refuses to believe that Marie hasn't told Hank. He's all, "MARIE??" I like this moment, because it's yet another instance where cocky Walter is not nearly as perceptive as he thinks he is. Because if he knows Marie even a little bit, he'd know that she knows better than to tell Hank they're taking charity. Walter still scoffs at the notion that Hank would turn his nose up at their offer. Skyler's incredulous eyebrow about hits the ceiling. "Did you take money?" she asks him. She brings up Gretchen and Elliot and their offer to pay for his cancer treatments. "I seem to remember that you'd rather sell drugs than take help." She says they've already laid the groundwork with Marie, but "coming clean" -- she catches herself and corrects to "pretending to come clean" -- with Hank and Junior will be the best thing for them. Walt seems to agree in principle; he just can't stand the idea of these scripts Skyler has produced. And the scripts are really dumb. Overkill. But the degree to which Skyler has plotted out every inch of this conversation is impressive. It's kind of ... Gus-like? Anyway, Skyler gets to her opening salvo, a bright, shining gem of a line I want to render in full: "We want to tell you the whole story. It's a doozy, so hold on to your hats." Walt looks at her like she's got three heads. They continue like this, haggling back and forth about wording -- Walt would never say "I'm terribly, terribly ashamed of my actions" (TWO terriblies?!) -- but Walter's main objection is that Skyler's story makes him look bad. Weak. Like the bad guy. He gripes that Skyler didn't include the part where she f*cked Ted. Skyler: "I'd say for a fired schoolteacher who cooks meth, you're coming out ahead." He says he doesn't want Junior to think less of him, but Skyler rightly calls bullshit on that one. This story at least has him winning at gambling; she's still the "bitch mom who wouldn't cut you any slack." This stops Walt short. "I'm sorry," he says, sincerely, looking her right in the eye. "I'm sorry I put you through all this." They have A Moment. Then: "How's that sound?" Walt asks. He's not being petulant -- he's honestly trying to help Skyler with her script. "Two 'sorry's," he notes. As a marriage, this is still fucked up, but they're starting to work better as a criminal duo. She continues to over-script the moments (he should stare at the floor; she considers telling Marie something emotional and possibly tearing up), and he kind of needles her for her obsessive attention to detail. She snaps back that maybe lying doesn't come as easily to her as it does to him. I dunno, Skyler, you're taking to it pretty well. The bottom line, she says, is that they have to convince Hank, a DEA agent, that their TOTALLY SUSPICIOUS story is not at all suspicious. Game on.