Amazing Race
Cheaters Never Win — And They Cheated!

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Again with the racing

ClownJon and Al are trying to find their way to the lot, and they make a screeching last-minute exit from the freeway, followed by Kelly and BuffJon. Just behind them are Chuck and Millie.

David and Jeff are on the highway, and voice-over that they had a little trouble getting out of the stadium. They call it "ironic" that they would get lost on the way to LAX, where they've both gone many times. Surprisingly, that is ironic, given the setting, which probably brings the Perceived Irony Accuracy Rate for reality television contestants in the last ten years to a smoking 3.7 percent or so. Debra and Steve, meanwhile, are stuck in traffic. She looks extremely stressed out. Tian and Jaree have gotten confused, because they've stopped somewhere for directions. Apparently, they have trouble absorbing the information, because when Jaree tries to clarify the directions, the guy says to her, "I just told you three times." Bafflement is quite an epidemic among the pretty, as Chip also is forced to hop out of their SUV to seek directions from a taxi driver.

Next ones to Park One? Al and ClownJon, who scream much, much too loudly about this relatively minor achievement. Next are Millie and Chuck, then Amanda and Chris. More careening cameramen, then Phil explains to us that the SwissAir flight has seats for four teams, and will arrive first. The Lufthansa flight will carry three teams, and it arrives forty minutes after the SwissAir flight, despite leaving at the same time. The last five teams will be on the Flight Of Total Losers, a KLM flight leaving an hour after the first two and arriving in Milan presumably significantly later. KLM didn't exactly hit the product placement jackpot here. KLM: Your Airline Of Last Resort.

Cindy and Russell run into the airport, headed straight for Lufthansa, because it doesn't occur to them to check schedules to see whether SwissAir and Lufthansa arrive at the same time. Russell asks for seats as far forward in the plane as possible, which is nice, in that he's working his ass off to conserve three minutes in a situation where he just gave up forty. They are thus the first booked on the Lufthansa flight. Incidentally, they can't even know that this isn't the worst flight, given that -- as some of our Eagle-Eyed Forum Posters pointed out -- the KLM flight could have been direct, and could have beaten both of the 2:55 flights. Frankly, they're lucky they didn't screw themselves even more, given that slack-ass piece of play.

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Amazing Race

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