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Club Dead

"Taking off early?" the guy asks Ashley, wisely changing the subject. She says that it's been a rough day. That's why she put on her whole get-up? Where's she going to rest, on the stripper pole at home? She asks how the fight's going. Swarthy Swede says that the fight'll be over soon, since the big guy showed up. Apparently, he's an animal. He asks where Maddox found the fighter. I knew that Angelina Jolie's kid would adjust quickly to American life, but he's already a fight promoter? That family's got drive, I tell you what. Ashley says that Maddox found the guy in a bar outside of Omaha, roughing up some bikers. She says, not very threateningly, that the next time she catches Swarthy Swede peeping at her, she's going to put him in a cage with the big guy. Oh, do go on, Boobs McMahon.

Alarm bells and flashing orange lights suddenly go off. Ashley grabs a handgun from her locker, and both she and Swarthy Swede rush up some stairs. Nice watching the fight, lamers. They half-rush down a hall as scantily dressed girls pass them in the opposite direction. Ashley stops a guy coming the other way and asks what's going on. The scared dude tells them that the guy's going nuts and just killed Maddox. Maddox, NOOOO! "Who?" Ashley asks. "Titan!" he says. Are you sure it wasn't Christopher Titus? Because that guy looks like he gets awfully mad. Exposition Guy runs past them, the coward. Ashley approaches the arena.

Cut straight to some hardcore action. One dude plows into another and breaks a huge building column. Pieces of the building crash down, sending sparks flying. Ashley watches. A big bald guy is beating up on a smaller, pretty guy. Ashley turns and runs. Nice security, there. The bald guy punches the crap out of the other dude, and as he flies toward us, we recognize that pretty face" it's Clark Kent. Close-up on the big, bald guy. He's got a certain George "The Animal" Steele thing going. He's Kane from the WWE! He approaches Clark, who is bloody and on his knees. Oh, Clark. Old habits die hard, don't they? Also bloodied, Kane says, "Time to die, Kryptonian!" He punches right at the camera. We go to opening credits.

Commercials. TMNT. Didn't we just prove that people don't want to see characters run around in computer-animated sewers?

Kent Farm. The cows don't realize that it's "46 Hours Earlier." Clark is writing something down in the Barnness of Investigatitude on a very nice little mini spiral notebook while talking on the phone. He rips the page out of the notebook and says into the phone, "Thanks, Oliver." He says he'll call if he finds anything out. MamaKent, wearing a nice green top, climbs up the stairs to the barn loft, and reads from a newspaper that police are baffled by a recent series of citizens' arrests. She says that several career criminals have been delivered to the police, in many cases unconscious. I wonder if Clark will ever get sued by these guys for all these concussions he's caused over the years. They're not good for you, ya know. MamaKent shows a front page of The Daily Planet with the headline "CAPTURED!" She asks if Clark knows anything about this. Does Clark know much about anything? Clark says, smugly, that some bad guys have been brought to justice. MamaKent mentions that some of these guys were hurt pretty badly, and that it sounds like more than justice. Why don't you just go legislate on it, Senator? Clark says that they were meteor-infected, and that they put up a fight. MamaKent, unconvinced, says that Clark is trying to help, but that he can't keep doing this because it's not right. Clark puts on his tough-guy Members Only blue jacket and says that what's not right is staying up in the barn and doing nothing. Now he's gotta go. He says he's gotta follow a tip from Oliver. MamaKent stops him, saying that she knows that crappy wedding day was tough on him, but that ever since then, he's become another person. Even douchier. "Why?" asks Clark, annoyed. "Because I'm not distracted by my feelings for Lana anymore?" He's glad he can finally focus on what's important. Could we have maybe heard that about four seasons ago? MamaKent says that he shouldn't think of his love for Lana as a distraction. He should think of it as the debilitating ruination of an entire show. MamaKent says that love is a natural human emotion. Clark says that maybe this was his mistake all along -- having the emotion in the first place. Yeah! He says that he's not human and should stop pretending to be. For once, I agree with the jerk. He goes down the stairs in a huff while way-too-disturbed music plays.

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