Smallville
Cyborg

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Cyborgasm!

A close-up of the very uncluttered front page of the Smallville Ledger. The top headline reads, "Widow to take senate seat. Martha Kent assumes her husband's senate position." A dek reads, "A new Kent for senate." Wow, I sure hope they don't have to write three headlines for every single story. I guess the paper is free and undated, because neither of those bits of information is on the page. MamaKent, in the Kent kitchen, takes a deep breath. She can't believe it's a real newspaper either. She hears something outside. Stepping out the front door, MamaKent finds a manila envelope, the words "MARTHA KENT" on it, lying on the porch. The text is printed in block letters on a sheet of paper, then cut out and taped to the envelope. It's pretty thick. MamaKent takes the package inside as mystery music plays. Inside the envelope, she finds a portable DVD player. MamaKent opens it and presses play. It's a scene from the spaceship warehouse. Lana is lying on the ground. MamaKent takes a sharp exhale. She looks around the room, but nobody's there.

Hospital. Clark walks in and finds Lana in the same exam room where a nurse is pretending to care about her uninsured ass. Clark asks if she's all right. Lana says it's just a cut. However, according to Sheryl Crow, the first one is the deepest. Lana asks how Clark got there so fast. Clark takes forever to answer, finally saying that he was at The Daily Planet with Chloe. Lana ignores the lie and tells Clark that she was on her way to the library when a guy ran out in the street and got hit by her car. Lana lives in a dorm on campus. She needs to drive to a library? Lana tells Clark that she didn't even have time to brake. That's not really true. "I hit him full-on," Lana tells Clark. Well, don't gloat about it, jeez. Clark gets sad and says he's sorry. No, but it's cool! Really! Lana tells Clark the guy doesn't have a scratch on him. "Lana, who is this guy?" Clark asks. Do you have his phone number? Is he cute? Lana says that the dude was acting all jumpy and intense, "like somebody was after him." Act fast, Clark! I bet he's really cute! "What does he look like?" Clark asks. Ha! I was so right. But before Lana can start by saying, "Well, he was black," we cut away to another scene. Cowards.

Bionic Brother is disposing of his track suit in a trash bin. He's now wearing regular clothes and a yellow jacket that makes me think it's a shout-out to Pete. BB exits through the ambulance entrance. He watches his back as he gets out onto the street. A police car rolls by, its siren wailing. BB turns and goes in another direction. "Is that who's chasing you? The police?" Clark asks, suddenly appearing. Naw, just Stewart Copeland. "My God," Clark thinks, "he's fuckable!" "You got the wrong guy," Bionic Brother says. Clark must be so disappointed. Clark asks if he's the guy Clark's his girlfriend ran into with her SUV. "Girlfriend"? Are you fucking kidding me? BB asks if Clark wants an apology. Clark just wants answers. He asks how the guy walked away unhurt from being hit "full-on." "Milk," says BB. "It does a body good." Another Pete shout-out! This guy is better though; he makes the product placement sound pretty natural. "Victor? Victor Stone?" Clark asks. He suddenly recognizes the guy. Clark remembers BB as a wide receiver from Met High. Clark just wants to believe that the guy is a "wide receiver," if you know what I mean, and I think you do, but if you don't, I'll spell it out in three letters: "G-A-Y." Clark says he played for the Smallville Crows. "Kent...quarterback," Bionic Brother says. He compliments Clark on his arm. Hey, if you think that's nice.... Clark shakes his head and says he doesn't play anymore. BB bitterly says that he doesn't either. Clark says that's not surprising; he heard that Bionic Brother was dead. BB looks surprised. He says he's really sorry about Lana, but that there are places he doesn't want to be right now. "Catch ya later, Kent," he says. Clark tries to stop him by grabbing his elbow, but BB swings it, propelling Clark into the air. Clark sails thirty feet to crash into a tiled wall. Clark breaks up all the pretty blue tiles with his ass. BB goes over, concerned, but sees Clark get right up, neat as you please. Nobody else saw it, apparently. "What the hell are you made of?" BB asks. Clark says he was about to ask BB that. Clark squints really hard. Inside BB's body, Clark sees a bunch of metal components in x-ray vision. Neato! I think there's a GameBoy in there. BB asks what Clark is looking at. Clark looks a bit nauseated.

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