Doctor Who

Episode Report Card
admin: B | 2 USERS: A
Explicate! Elucidate! Exposit...ate!

The Doctor, van Statten, Goddard, and Security head into Goddard's office, communicating with the kids and the gatekeeper Bywater down in the lobby. "You've got to keep it in that cell," the Doctor yells, over Rose's self-accusation. Bywater says he's sealed the compartment, no worries, the "lock's got a billion combinations." Again with the American overestimation. The Doctor's very comic-booky: "The Dalek's a genius! It can calculate a thousand billion combinations in one second flat!" So, the Dalek calculates the billion combinations with its sucker in well over one second flat, and the door opens, Security's guns at the ready. They shoot and shoot, as van Statten's screaming that he needs it unharmed, and the Doctor's sort of naïvely telling Rose to get out of there. No effect on the Dalek at all, as it comes closer. Bywater sends the kids off with a female guard name of DiMaggio. (Cute, right? "DiMaggio." That's how you can tell she'll die a hero.) The Dalek does a cool thing, smashing through the screen that shows the Doctor and van Statten, electrocuting itself, and bending itself back into perfection whilst screaming. Bywater's like, "FYI, I'm out."

Goddard, with the Doctor and van Statten over her shoulder, watches the monitor, as the Dalek exterminates all the base's electricity. "Oh my God. It's raiding the entire power supply for the whole of Utah!" Rough. The Doctor says that it's "downloading," as the Dalek takes down the West Coast as well, and clarifies: "It's not just energy! That Dalek just absorbed the entire internet! It knows everything!" It helps to have your finger on the remote so that you can have yourself a nice giggle at this point. Or, alternately, so that you can replay that little speech over and over. "It's not just energy! That Dalek just absorbed the entire internet! It knows everything!" Why on earth would anyone think this show's ridiculous? I have no idea. Science fiction and I work on a five-point scale, so that every time something stupid happens, we lose a finger. To review: the Dalek is downloading not only all of America's electricity, but also the entire internet. Which entire internet is owned by one Henry van Statten. And suddenly there's just one finger left, and can you guess which one it is?

The Dalek backs up off the computer, screaming that "The Daleks survive in me! Also loads of porn!," and then fires a scary beam all over the place. Everybody screams about how the cameras are down, the power is down, the Dalek must be killed, and Goddard summons all available guards to "the Metaltron Cage." DiMaggio leads Rose and Adam running through a squad of Security, and Bywater shows up to direct them, shouting a bunch of orders, and then getting exterminated. The guard's bullets melt before they hit the Dalek, for some reason, but they don't turn into anything particularly cool. Maybe some argentum ordnance would come in handy right now. The surrounded Dalek busies itself with exterminating a shitload of everybody, as van Statten whines about saving the Dalek, because the guards are expendable, but the Dalek is unique, and he screams into the comms, "I don't want a scratch on its body work? Do you hear me? Do you hear me?" But they don't, because they're all dead. I wish somebody would exterminate Henry van Statten. He's a cartoon. The Dalek takes off down the hallway.

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Doctor Who




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