Defending Your Life

Episode Report Card
admin: F | 2 USERS: D
Let the Hardy Boys Be Relinquished and Abandoned

...DEARBORN OUTREACH CENTER, where we find Sam already chatting with The Late, Unlamented Mr. Hammond's AA sponsor. Unfortunately, as The Late, Unlamented Mr. Hammond tended to keep himself to himself, the sponsor's not of much use to the current investigation, though she does reveal that just before he died, The Late, Unlamented Mr. Hammond almost fell off the wagon at a bar called "Neal's." At the last minute, though, he called her up, and she somehow "talked him off the ledge." "Do you know what triggered it?" Sam asks, of course referring to The Late, Unlamented Mr. Hammond's last flirtation with the sweet, sweet booze. "Like I said," the sponsor replies, "he didn't share much." Darling Sammy purses his prissy little lips in frustration, or something, and with that, we're off to...

...Jane's, which happens to be a florist's. Dean enters and rather bluntly informs the woman at the register of The Late, Unlamented Mr. Hammond's untimely demise. "Oh!" the register lady responds, hoisting her meticulously groomed eyebrows into the air before adding, "Now it all makes sense!" Dean's all, "Buh?" so The Register Lady explains, "He came in a couple days ago and paid me three years in advance to keep his monthly delivery going." "And where do the flowers go?" Dean wonders. "A Miss Elizabeth Duren," The Register Lady allows. "You mind writing Elizabeth's address down?" Dean asks, smiling, "I'd like to pay her a visit." The Register Lady stares at Our Intrepid Idiot like she's just now realized what a massive dumbass he is, and with that, we're off to...

...a cemetery. D'OH! Yes, Miss Elizabeth Duren has been dead for ten years, and The Late, Unlamented Mr. Hammond's standing order at Jane's was for floral arrangements to decorate her grave. "Died at ten," Sam realizes after spotting the enormous "1991-2001" etched into Miss Duren's headstone, for Sam is excellent at math. "So," he proceeds to ask of Dean, "who was she?" Like your stupid brother's gonna fucking know, you moron.

Cut to This Week's Motel Room, where Super-Smart Sammy's already found an article from the May 11th, 2001, edition of the Detroit Daily News that details the circumstances surrounding Miss Duren's untimely demise. "Killed," Sam reads from the paper's website, "when a neighbor backed out of his driveway without seeing her bike." Said neighbor was, of course, The Late, Unlamented Mr. Hammond, so Our Intrepid Idiots figure they've got a pissed-off ghost on their hands, and Sam immediately leaps to his feet to desecrate Miss Duren's grave. Dean, however, seems mightily reluctant to salt and burn whatever's left of the wee corpse's earthly remains, which apparently means that Something's Not Quite Right With Dashing El Deano This Evening, but fuck if I can be bothered to care what that Something is at this point. Well, aside from the fact that I'm certain that Something is Something Unearned, better known as Something They Pulled Out Of Their Collective Ass For The Purposes Of This Evening's Presentation, also known as Something We'll Never Hear About Again Once This Wretched Episode Has Finally Ended. "ZZZZZZZZZZZZZ!" Oh, mind your own business, lizard.

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