Defending Your Life

Episode Report Card
admin: F | 2 USERS: D
Let the Hardy Boys Be Relinquished and Abandoned

Moments later -- and after an immense and strenuous amount of bitchery from Dean that I'll not be bothering to transcribe because I really, really don't care that Something's Not Quite Right With Dreary El Deano This Evening -- we arrive outside the WAYNE COUNTY CORONER'S OFFICE, where Dapper Sam emerges onto the sidewalk to join his equally dapper brother in a chat about the particulars of The Late, Unlamented Mr. Fisher's corpse. Long story short, Dapper Sam found red dirt under the corpse's nails, which means both victims must have been wandering around the same dusty red place just before they died, which means Our Intrepid Idiots must climb into the Impala for a drive out to an abandoned apple orchard, because according to Sam, "whatever's in red dirt makes great apples." Just go with it. And as Dreary El Deano unleashes yet another immense and strenuous amount of bitchery...a panic-stricken elderly gentleman races out in front of their car! DUN! Like, literally this time. It's on the soundtrack and everything. Dean stomps on the brakes to avoid hitting the guy and, long story short, Our Intrepid Idiots invite the panic-stricken elderly gent back to...

...This Week's Motel Room, where everyone settles down on various items of furniture so the panic-stricken elderly gent might share his story. "I was just put on trial and sentenced to death!" he opens, promisingly enough, before backtracking considerably to begin at the beginning, and here we go: This "Warren" person was recently paroled from prison, where he'd served thirty years for the murder of a liquor-store owner and his wife. What began as a simple robbery, you see, went horribly, horribly awry, and Warren takes great pains to assure Our Intrepid Idiots that he's been consumed with guilt ever since. Anyway, Warren stopped by his local the previous evening to drown his numerous sorrows, got jumped by a person or persons unknown, and woke up in the middle of an apple-farm barn that had hastily been altered to resemble a courtroom. The name of his local? Neal's, of course, and while the presiding judge at this strange apple-barn courtroom never gave Warren his name, there were "these weird symbols" plastered all over the place, so Sam hands the murderous old coot a piece of paper and a pencil to begin sketching while he and Dean head outside for a...

...processing summit, and long story short, because Something's Not Quite Right With Dreary El Deano This Evening, he's got more sympathy for the apparent ghosts attacking tonight's victims than he does for the victims themselves, and after Sam tries and fails to argue with him, Dreary El Deano bow-leggedly clompy-stomps off to Neal's to partake of a soothing cocktail or eight. Darling Sammy furrows his mighty brow and nibbles at his trembling lower lip, the very picture of dewy-eyed fraternal concern, before he heads back into...

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