From one Serena-bound reverie to another. At that same moment, on the Upper East Side, the ill-read Juliet Sharp compares Serena's life story to "the most complicated Jane Austen novel ever." Because Jane Austen just couldn't stop writing about public boning, pants-free flights to the country, coke-fueled threesomes, murders, stepbrother-fucking, and the lives of spoiled sluts. Nate, because he cannot read at all, assumes that her literary reference is on the up-and-up, and swiftly loses himself to the conversation altogether.
As Juliet goads him to remember where he and Serena left things, he furrows his immense brow, because the answer is nowhere, because they are both incredibly vague and have been screwing themselves senseless with the lower classes all summer. Juliet nods sagely and explains that what Nate means is, he is in love with Serena and must now defeat Dan for her love. Of course this sounds fishy, Dan being the only person on the show Nate actually likes, but if Juliet says it, it must be true: Dan Humphrey -- who still believes he has a son, which he clearly does not, and still believes that he still lives with Milo's mother, who vanished in a cloud of dimples and Russian invective like a week ago -- is a threat. Somehow. To something. But what was it, again?
Serena does an autopsy on her dead brother's body, beginning with the classic y-shaped incision over the heart, but after putting her CIA training to good use realizes that the body is that of a common street tough, of the sort usually found murdering expatriate billionaires outside the tonier bordellos of Prague. "He was five-seven," she explains to Inspector Chevalier, "The last thing he had to eat was a pierogi. Vanessa Abram's favorite." Serena is on the case.
And what of Henry Prince, one-time Bass and honorary Humphrey, who was not after all fished out of the river? Rolling about between the sheets with the French girl who performed surgery on him back in Prague. Today is his first day of work, at some sort of Stella Artois-advertisement tourist trap claiming to provide visiting Americans with authentic Parisian experiences, speaking horrible French and dressed as the Concept of Sex. Rolling a sack of marbles around in her mouth, strange Eva says... Something.
Crazy being transmissible and Mommy being gone, Dan has taken over acting insane in her lieu. "Lieu" is a French term, which used in this context means "scheme." This loft is your loft/ This loft is my loft/ Where's your aunt Jenny?/ She moved to Hudson/ She wears... Leggings... Painful. Ill-advised. Unending. Dan Humphrey.