Gossip Girl

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Nate calls his friend on the force, Captain Lewis, which I thought Nate already knew that time that Serena got arrested, but he says they met at the Vanderbilt's this last summer, so who knows. I don't know what Nate tells them besides, "There's a guy somewhere who did something," but maybe they know the location of his helipad already. Everybody else stares around at each other and wonders who tipped Will off to get out of town and take the family with him, and they get paranoid for about five seconds before Jenny -- once again with that throw-the-pills motherfuckers face -- totally and proudly announces that, once again, she has done something truly insane for no good reason.

Dan goes downstairs and watches Serena be sad and lonely for a good long time, but then suddenly she's got a huge, huge scarf and a tiny, tiny hat on, and she's at the helipad. She's dressed like Carmen Sandiego, to find Carmen Sandiego. That's smart thinking. She asks Will to explain what happened, so he does once more, and he sort of apologizes for poisoning her mother like so: "I'm sorry, Serena. I just thought unless your mother needed me... You weren't gonna give me a chance." She doesn't forgive him, explicitly does not forgive him, but warns him to leave before the cops get there. "I'll make sure they don't come after you," she says, because she's Pepper Potts and gets to boss the cops around. They hug and he leaves and they love each other and I guess from now on maybe she's gonna cover them puppies up.

Who are we kidding. Okay, meanwhile Rufus and Lily are making out in the middle of the living room while Jenny and Eric watch, aghast. Rufus says "The only thing that matters is I'm not losing you. To cancer, to Will, or anything else." Which is... There is something very Rufus, and very gross, about that sentence but I can't figure out what it is. Jenny throws down and points out that their relationship is totally fucked up at all times, and she was about to run off to Palm Beach and they trust each other zero. Rufus says most of that is Jenny's fault, which it is, and none of it is Jenny's business, which it is not. Another awesome line: "When we lived in Brooklyn I might have had to take the subway to school and make my own clothes, but at least our family was happy."

Rufus and Lily are just sort of bored by what a constant little shit she is, and they go upstairs to fuck, and meanwhile Eric's like, "If you don't want to be a part of this family, no one is forcing you to stay." Which I get what he is saying, which is that they all -- Lily, Serena, Eric, Rufus, Dan, Chuck -- have decided to be a family, PRADA family, and her idea of being the DUMBO family -- Rufus, Jenny, Dan, Vanessa -- is outmoded and doesn't even exist. She's running away toward something that can't ever exist, and doesn't mind stepping on toes or murdering her stepmother to do it. Which yeah, why don't you run away for like the 50th time this year? In fact, what's the most fucked-up place you could go? Not Brooklyn, where you have a home to go to and you were just whinging about that. No, acting normal wouldn't cut it. I think a better option would be your brother that always tries to rape you, you could try his house.

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Gossip Girl




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