Gossip Girl

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L.Y.L.A.W.T.F.

Chuck makes fun of Blair for still going on her Cameron date, and then I don't want to talk about it because it's so fucking stupid, but basically she said they were only hanging out, just like every episode, because of the scheme or party for that episode, but now they can go back to not being around each other because, as Holland explained, they don't feel "safe" with each other. Yeah, whoring each other out, literally, can have that effect. And then -- this is so egregious -- Chuck says these words:

"I did the most dangerous thing I could when I said I love you, and it was worth it. If I got through my fear for you, you can get through yours for me. You have until tomorrow to decide. We're never going to be safe. So are you brave enough, or aren't you? I'll be waiting at the top of the Empire State Building. If you're not there tomorrow, at 7:01 I'm closing my heart to you forever."

"Closing my heart" is the new waffles. I cannot... This is like fan fiction of this show and not actually the show. Why do we always go back to the eight letters thing? He is not ROBOCOP. It is not AMAZING that he has emotions. You can't play that card. You can't play that Grinch card, especially as a trump over PROSTITUTION. "Sorry I turned your ass out, but look at this single tear because of my mommy. Now we are even." You also cannot always be talking about closing and opening his heart. That is gayer even than he is. And you can't have both at once, which is what we're trying to do. And you certainly can't make this bullshit Blair's responsibility, which is the worst part: "You know how you said you dump me? Well, if you don't jump through these hoops, I am going to dump you!"

She takes off with Cameron and asks him to bore her about rugby, and stares longingly at the Empire State Building in a concrete jungle where dreams are made of.

S finally answers Nate's call, but only to tell him A) She got Will away from the cops somehow, B) Thanks for calling the cops on my Dad, C) This is why I keep secrets from you, and D) To eat a dick. She hops in the towncar, and guess who's there but her old friend Humphrey, to whom she apologizes about how emotionally this was probably complicated for him. "When are things not complicated with Serena van der Woodsen?"

ALWAYS. Things are ALWAYS not complicated with Serena van der Woodsen, until you bastards start pulling shit like this, because her needs are simple: Do not question her, do not invade her territory, let her figure things out in her own time, supply her with vodka and sex, strawberries when they're in season, and don't keep her up too late, because she needs her rest. And if everybody would just do what she says and not be constantly fucking with her from behind the scenes, nobody would have any problems. Her Guide to Teen Popularity would honestly work for everybody on earth. Don't you think even Vanessa would be great if she just took a page from S, and chilled out?

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Gossip Girl

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