Gossip Girl

Episode Report Card
admin: A+ | Grade It Now!

Jenny and Chuck discuss Lily's fake Oxy and how the girl that she sold it to that ended up with a yeast infection... You know what? Who gives a shit.

Chuck and Jenny have realized that Lily's Illness drugs are hinky, and even though Jenny is grounded in DUMBO they are going to find out, by using Bing and soft whispering voices. Nate asks if Chuck is dealing, and Chuck says he is only giving away "hours and hours of enjoyment," and Nate says, "Thank you for that visual," but there was no visual, it's just a sloppy non-joke from a shitty writer who would like the illusion of wit or movement without actually having either. Do you know how many times and with how many varied people I have watched this episode in the last week? And do you know how invariably at least one person said, out loud, "Is this supposed to be like a parody of this show? Or is the show actually like this?"

Maybe Chuck knows about Blair's date with Cameron, maybe he doesn't. That's all we get out of this scene: He makes adorable faces and offers to fuck the information out of Nate, and Nate tells him not to bother Blair on her date. Later, Rufus decides to parent and takes away Jenny's phone, which is not a hindrance in any way to the plot and would almost provide a pretext for one of Jenny's betrayals in Act IV, except that apparently Jenny Humphrey has memorized the telephone number for the Orthopedics department at Mt. Sinai, so it doesn't matter. Dan comes home -- "Well, it's nice to know I can spend my last night with Vanessa and come home to my family, fighting like they still live here," which thanks for the visual -- and everybody's horrible and a Humphrey and in Brooklyn forever, and then all of a sudden they decide to stomp back to the UES to retrieve Jenny's school books; literally, that's why Dan and Rufus go back to PRADA, to get Jenny's books for her because she is grounded. Well, there's this little exchange, but at this point I don't know if it's intentionally funny or just how dumb this episode is:

Rufus: "Don't know if you've heard, but your sister's a drug dealer."
Jenny: "Was! Past tense. And you already grounded me for it!"

Lily sure is drinking a lot of apple juice, just like she did when she was pregnant with Serena, so I sure hope she's not pregnant on top of her Illness, because what's worse: Lymphoma or having a Humphrey growing inside you and sapping all your nutrients? When she was pregnant she liked apple juice, regular and also a special kind that was green, that Will used to go get for her in the Village because he loved her so much, and because juice and juicing fruits was all the Jack LaLanne rage back in the 1990s, or whenever this all happened. Lily decides, now that they're remembering romantic juices past, that it's time to talk about the speech at Columbia where he offered to bone her right in front of her husband and he's like "Sorry that was so weird" and sort of vaguely lies about it.

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Gossip Girl




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