Gossip Girl

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L.Y.L.A.W.T.F.

Lily and Eric go for a gay son-and-mother walk 'round the block at this time. Lily -- this is part of the reason I think this episode is sort of on purpose -- goes, "You know, after five marriages, the last thing I want to do is put you and Serena through another divorce." Eric says they've all started to blend together anyway, and that she shouldn't stay with a Holland-fucking Rufus for them anyway, no matter how much he loves poor Rufus: She should stay with Rufus, if she stays with him, because of whatever incomprehensible thing makes her love him in the first place. And also: She should not die of Illness. Eric is very into bearing that particular torch this week. Which is good, because nobody else really gives a shit about Lily's health. Serena and Jenny both are, like, not actively into killing Lily, but not hugely interested in saving her, either. Because of daddy stuff.

Nate and Dan go to see Blair next, after some flirtation and some of Dan explaining that the only thing that makes Serena go crazy is when people do exactly what they are all doing to her in this episode, and Nate's like, "That's so true, but let's go do it anyway." Can't say you didn't warn him. Blair's date is off to a rollicking motherfucker of a start: Looking at Columbia class schedules on the computer in the parlor -- "Philosophy of War? I'm finally home!" -- and when Nate and Dan appear in the room she tries not to be too much of a bitch, due to Cameron's adorable presence, while telling them to go suck each other off in hell, because she's assuming that Chuck sent them. Dan explains it's not about the River Blindness Medication part of the scheme, but the Holland-extortion part that they're worried about, i.e., the cheating thing.

"Wait a minute. An artist or a hippie activist, maybe, but Rooftop Garden Committee? I knew that something wasn't right when Serena told me." There's a really stupid joke here that basically Blair is now talking in Yiddish because Cyrus Rose is Jewish. What would be actually edgy or funny is if Cameron just left the house when she told him that, just took his rugby gear and his billion-watt smile and said "Gotcha" and just left. That would have cracked me up. Instead he just nods and looks bored, because how bored would you be? They fire up the computer and start tracking down blackmailables on old Holland. "Exposing scandal on the Upper East Side? Show me your world, Blair Waldorf," says Cameron, so I guess once again she's dating a homosexual, or possibly Gossip Girl. Darnedest luck.

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Gossip Girl

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