Gossip Girl

Episode Report Card
admin: A+ | Grade It Now!

"Trust me," says Jenny. "I live with the van der Woodsens, I've learned how to lie." (Awesome line. And would make an awesome t-shirt, or needlepoint.) She and Chuck head into Dr. (Holland) Kemble's office and Jenny spins some lie about how maybe she told a Troubled Teen on the Troubled Teen Hotline "wrong things" about "drugs and depression," and retroactively wants Dr. Kemble's advice. That is the best lie I ever heard. Turns out (Holland) Kemble will be gone all week, but Chuck with his laser eyeballs notes that she's going to the big event at the end of the episode, just like every single week.

Why don't they just assume at this point? If you lost your wallet on this show you should just be like, "Right, but the Annual Lacrosse Banquet is tonight so probably it'll turn up." Actually, that's essentially what happened last week with Blair getting into Columbia, so never mind. The two groups come together and realize that Holland of PRADA and Kemble of the River Blindness are the same people, and fucking GG goes, "You better hope this doctor gets healed, before someone else gets hurt!" EXPLAIN THIS SENTENCE.

They send Jenny into PRADA so she can go through all of Lily's drawers and steal her pills, like back in the day when she was a drug pusher. It's so dumb because she's like, "What exactly am I looking for?" And they're like, "A bottle of pills, you halfwit. It looks like a bottle with pills in it. You are the worst motherfucking drug pusher." So while that goes down, I would like to perform a monologue. "She's totally failing me on purpose, because I didn't join those stupid Mathletes! She was so queer, she was like, I'm a pusher, Cady. I'm a pusher. What does that even mean? Like a drug pusher? Probably. She said she works three jobs, I bet she sells drugs on the side... To pay for her pathetic divorce." Blair is on fire with the total mach five drama of how Holland is "obviously" poisoning Lily, so she can have Rufus all to herself. "So Shakespearean!"

This is where the dumb writing really shows up, because Nate is just handed these ideas of jokes that are not actual jokes, like, "Wouldn't it be funny if Nate said something like this," but they never actually filled in the blanks. Or maybe it's the acting. Either way, I hate this shit. He compares it to Fatal Attraction and shivers about the idea of dead bunnies. And they think about telling Lily about all this, but Chuck radically is not having that: "Jenny tried to sell your mislabeled meds, which somehow came from the woman who said she slept with your husband?" It's a mouthful.

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Gossip Girl




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