House Vs. God

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House Vs. God

Boyd had better start praying, because he has an appointment with MRI of DOOM! As Chase prepares Boyd for it, he asks him about his faith-healing, saying that he wants to believe that Boyd can really cure people. Really? Because if I had just spent eight years of my life training to be a doctor, I'd be kind of pissed to know that some random teenager had the same healing abilities I worked so hard for. Boyd reads between the lines of Chase's question and figures that Chase may want to believe in him, but that he really doesn't: "Why do you always do things you don't wanna do?" I guess God told Boyd what a pussy Chase is.

Once again, someone has put Cameron and Foreman in a small space together. As they work the MRI booth, Foreman tells Cameron that God would probably want her to taketh the divining rod out of the well-shaped ass he gave her and climb Mount Sinai to get over herself. Cameron responds that she doesn't believe in a traditional God, but that even if one did exist, she doubts he'd really care about the things lodged inside her ass. And yet, some people believe that God is against gay sex. Foreman wants to know more about Cameron's take on religion, but she snits that since they're just colleagues and not friends, he doesn't get to have a casual conversation with her ever again. That doesn't like much of a punishment to me. In fact, I would consider it a reward.

House returns to the meeting room to find an informal tally on the Whiteboard. It pits House against God, God winning 2 to 1, much to House's chagrin. House is even more annoyed when Boyd wanders in, sees the scoreboard, and comments that "his guy" is winning. He asks House how God got the points, and House says that whoever put the tally up was impressed by Boyd's trick with Foreman and Cameron. The second point, Boyd guesses, is because Grace, Wilson's patient and Boyd's newest frequent bedside visitor, has been feeling better since Boyd put his hand on her face. House accuses Boyd of "messing" with people, just like he's trying to mess with House now. But Boyd brightly says that all he likes to do is see the smiles on his people's faces when he lifts their burdens. House points out that Boyd makes sure to be in another state lifting someone else's burdens by the time his subjects' endorphins wear off and their pain starts to come back. "That doesn't happen," Boyd says stubbornly. And he knows this because God told him, not because he's know, actually checked or gotten any feedback about it. You'd think someone would have dropped Boyd a line angrily telling him off for making him think he was cured when he wasn't, but I guess not. House doesn't appreciate that their "fun" little back-and-forth has been disrupted by Boyd's invoking the G-word, and tells him so. Boyd gets a determined and slightly pissed-off look on his face before telling House that God has told him about the doctor and how House likes to be alone. House doesn't put much stock in that, figuring that Boyd's just giving out one of those non-specific pearls of wisdom that sounds good, but could apply to almost anyone: "Next time, tell God to be more specific." "God wants you to invite Dr. Wilson to your poker game," Boyd says. OH! What what! That one really gets House's attention, and his head snaps up just in time to see Boyd smile triumphantly and walk away. Now House has to figure out what's wrong with Boyd AND how he found out about his poker-game invitation issues!

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