Chains of Love

Episode Report Card
admin: B+ | Grade It Now!
Moron than off

Short bus. Adam says that Jenny is greedy, but that he gave her an out and shouldn’t have said it. Jenny tells us that Adam got “carried away with the romance.” Exactly. Bad move, junior. No new Titanium Apple G4 laptop for you, brother science. Adam, now mad, says that he can’t believe she picked “Captain Leatherpants,” and that nice guys obviously finish last. Well, or sappy Jeff Goldblum-looking tools finish last. Who knows? He ends, “Not good. Not good.” No, you weren’t, boy-o. Later.

House. Hot tub. Porn music plays as the two take a tub and drink champagne and toast to Italy. Whatever. Kristian smokes a cigar and then suggests that they toast to Adam getting no money. Jenny alla sudden gets a conscience on us and says that she can’t do that. Oh, whatever, honey. You already laughed your ass off at the poor schmoe. It ain’t flying. Kristian keeps babbling about how Adam played off as a super-nice guy but how long can that last and everyone has a strategy, and Jenny just stares at him and then tells us that she wonders if she’s going to wake up the next morning wondering if she made a mistake. Yeah, you think? So now Kristian lights a cigarette and leans back all Richie Rich, and Jenny looks sick, and Kristian just babbles on as if anyone in the room or America cared, talking about his strategy being not to take shit and coming off as the “tough guy” and then to show her that, deep down, he is romantic. Then he says the other side he wanted her to see is that he is, and he says each word. As. If. It. Is. Its. Own. Sentence: “A relaxed, cool, laid-back dude just looking to have a good time.” Jenny looks around for an exit and then Kristian tops off the charm session by putting out his cigarette on his tongue. Jenny closes her eyes and asks, “Are you kidding me right now?” The hits just keep on coming as Kristian then pours a bottle of Jack Daniels all over his face. Jenny bitches, “Well, I’m so impressed,” and the numbskull starts sputtering and laughing, not getting that she was kidding, “I didn’t think I was going to do it. I got it in my eye!” He keeps laughing with his eyes closed and then Jenny says, “I’m so glad I kept you around.” Man, this guy is funny fucking shit. He should be on Buffy now that the UPN has it. (Oh wait, what if Kristian reads this and for a second thinks I’m being serious and then makes an ass of himself to the network? Ah, well, screw it.)

Bedroom. Jenny leads Kristian, who’s still drinking, to the bed. They start wrestling, and Jenny now tells us that she thinks Kristian just needs someone to bring out his soft side and that he’s probably been hurt in the past. I give up! Seriously, I would throw my laptop out the window, but I have so much downloaded porn I’d hate to lose. (Just kidding. There’s not much. Anymore.) Kristian tells us that Jenny is realizing who the better man is.

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Chains of Love




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