Chains of Love

Episode Report Card
admin: B+ | Grade It Now!
Moron than off

Jenny has “no clue” about the guy who made some weird stick-figure family tree picture.

A guy walks in the house. Blond spiky hair and a really weirdly-cut beard. He says that he’s going to have to charm the girl with his personality because he doesn’t have a six-pack stomach. Hee. He looks a bit like a skinnier Danny Bonaduce. Jenny says she likes someone who is “mellow” and “tame.” She should date Christopher Reeve because, aside from the dancing thing, he’s pretty much what she’s looking for. The guy says he’s laid-back and happy to let the girl make dinner reservations. His name is Chris and he’s a “Laid Back Dude.” His quote: “My sense of humor always wins them over.” Except, you know, when it doesn’t. Like tonight. He says he’s always cheated on his girlfriend and likes to party, but he feels like he’s matured. We see him working on a computer, which denotes maturity, you know. Like now, I’m writing on a laptop and I’m very mature. All stoic with my cat and my Skittles and my Diet Coke. So mature that today all I’ve done is eat candy and Taco Bell, take a nap, and spend two hours at a toy store. That’s mature, people. Oh, the show. Chris meets the other guys out by the pool.

In the short bus, Jenny looks at Chris’s picture, calling him a “pretty boy” with spiky hair and an earring. Yeah, okay, sister.

The guys. They babble. Jenny shows up. They greet her. She comes down, and they all meet inside. She laughs at Slim’s name and then takes Adam’s flowers.

Distant Bell. Ritual room. MM whores in and explain the rules. I, however, refuse. Jenny then picks Kristian and Adam’s pictures, so they’re chained closest to Jenny. Chaining montage. MM reads the rest of her lines and wishes them luck. Slim scowls. Jenny laughs in slo-mo. I cry soft tears that no one sees.

The group “explores” the house, and Jenny voice-overs that she’s never been chained to four guys before. Why do they let their people say such stupid shit and then air it? I don’t understand. The kids all get food, as in every show, and sit down outside to eat.

Slim makes a toast -- everyone drinks, while Jenny toasts with an apple. Slim says “no falling down” three times because he’s such a cut-up, but no one laughs at his crazy-funny line. My cat laughs, but that’s only because I’m home alone on a Tuesday night. Even she has a date.

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Chains of Love




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