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Attack Of The Singing Bush Baby

Football practice. The team is huddled, and Finn calls the play. But suddenly there's rebellion. Some members of the team have decided that Finn is not manly enough to be their leader since he joined "Homo Explosion." (Where can I sign up for that?) Finn reminds them that Glee helped them win their first game of the season, but they don't seem to care. One of the players expresses doubt that Finn is man enough to have knocked up Quinn, and wonders whether a real man didn't slip in and do it for him. So Finn tackles him. Ken breaks up the fight and calls the team to the sidelines. As he's berating them, he notices that Puck is missing. Finn explains that Puck had to miss practice for some Glee-related activity. Ken yells at them for not acting enough like a team. And to help build that team spirit, he's adding a new Thursday practice. Finn reminds him that Thursdays is when Glee rehearses, but Ken doesn't care. The new practice is mandatory -- anyone who misses it is off the team. Commercials.

And now we see the Glee-related activity that was keeping Puck busy. Rachel's in her bedroom, singing "What a Girl Wants" into her hairbrush while Puck accompanies her on his guitar. Puck's voice-over expresses what we're all thinking: "I know this looks weird, but wait 'til you see what happens next." What happens next is that he asks Rachel if she'd like to make out. And because she has eyes and some modicum of taste, she would. As they're sucking face, Puck's voice-over tells him that this situation reminds him of what he learned in history class: "Only Nixon can go to China." It's not clear why making out with Rachel reminds Puck of that, since he has no idea what it means. But he does know that it really began during his family's annual Simchat Torah tradition of watching Schindler's List. It's not the traditional celebration (dancing in the streets), but apparently it helped Puck's mom feel closer to her Jewish roots. After Puck's younger sister celebrated her own tradition of running screaming out of the room during a particularly scary moment, Puck's mom told him that he was no better than the cinematic Nazis, since he wasn't dating a nice Jewish girl. And then Puck lost his appetite for sweet and sour pork. Puck's voice-over continues: "That night, I had the strangest dream. I knew it was a dream because there's no way Rachel could have climbed up the wall outside my window with no shoes on." And sure enough, we see Puck in his bed opening his eyes to find a nightgowned Rachel climbing in his window, bare feet first. I've had this dream myself. Except, for "Rachel," insert "Puck," and for "nightgown" insert "loincloth." But otherwise identical. The V.O. continues: "When I woke up, I knew it was more than a dream. It was a message from God. Rachel was a hot Jew, and the good Lord wanted me to get into her pants." Who needs Joseph when you've got Puck around to interpret dreams?

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