Gilmore Girls
Red Light On A Wedding Night

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Run, Max! Run!

The videotape is Billy Jack. The dinner is frustrating. Lorelai and Rory MST3K through the entire thing, shushing Max whenever he tries to talk. I once watched the movie Jaws with a friend who claims it's his favorite movie. He said every line in the damn film, 1.3 seconds off from the sound. It was like the room had a bad-acting echo. Lorelai and Rory have barely touched their food, and I think it's because I see a variety of vegetables on their plates. Rory and Lorelai banter until Max interrupts to ask how many times they've seen the movie. Lorelai says they're out of digits. Max asks a question about the movie, and they shush him. Lorelai and Rory go right back to interjecting their jokes into the dialogue. Max points out that they're talking through the whole movie, and that whenever he says something, they shush him. Lorelai doesn't even look toward him as she explains that he's talking during the parts they talked through last time, so they haven't seen those parts in a long time. Lorelai and Rory are on the floor in front of Max, who is on the couch. The phone rings. Rory looks at Lorelai. "Max," Lorelai says. She doesn't even turn around or move. "Whoever's closest answers," she explains. Max. RUN. GET OUT OF THE HOUSE. We've traced the call, it's coming from inside the house. It's your manhood, shattered and destroyed over two selfish girls who find you amusing to taunt and not one of the gang. You've got to get out immediately or you will find yourself the butt of every joke for the rest of your life and the house whipping boy. You'll be cooking, answering phones, shushed, and blamed. Your job will be to appease and soothe the girls, laughing at all of their jokes and staying out of their way at all times. They don't need you. You are merely a distraction and an audience for their party of two. Max asks how he's the closest to the phone. Rory says her foot is asleep. Lorelai says that she'd have to walk around the coffee table to answer the phone, so her path would actually be longer than his to answer the phone. The phone keeps ringing. Rory and Lorelai point out that Max has longer legs, so even if they all left for the phone at the same time, he'd reach it first. Max is as tired as I am of these two women at this point, and he goes to answer the phone. It's their first night with the new man staying over and they've done nothing to try and welcome him. As Max leaves to answer the phone, Lorelai smiles to Rory and says, "I'm gonna like having him around." He's cheaper than one of Emily's servants, isn't he?

A little later during brownies, Rory and Lorelai finally decide to turn around and address Max. Turns out he's asleep on the couch. "We wore him out," Lorelai says. Probably because he had to do the dishes while he made them brownies and laugh while the girls put on a play about dental hygiene. Max says he's not asleep, he's just waiting to see the end of the movie. Rory tells Lorelai to get Max up to bed. "Come on, honey," Lorelai says, as she pulls on Max's arm. "Honey"? Ew. Everyone says goodnight. You know, if Max is going to keep wearing polo shirts, he does bring some amount of teasing on himself. Lorelai turns back around and whispers to Rory, "Is this weird?" Rory doesn't answer, but kind of lifts her right shoulder while she smiles. Lorelai goes upstairs.

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