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Laz 'R Us

In the waiting room, Clark is still eavesdropping, and catches that last bit of dialogue. He's broken out of his spying game by someone banging and yelling. Clark turns and sees that there's a teenager smacking his palm against a generic soda machine. Clark seems to know the kid. He calls him Derek, but I call him "Brotherman," both in keeping with the episode and in sideways deference to another well-meaning hostage-taker, our old friend "Jitterman." Clark hits the soda machine in a sweet spot and out comes "Shake Up" Cola, the cola with a big "S" logo. Brotherman takes his drink and thanks Clark. Sodas, incidentally, are 75 cents on this particular Vancouver hospital set. Brotherman asks about Clark's dad. They seem to have a familiar rapport that should be self-evident, given that we've seen this friendship blossom over the course of, oh, four seconds. Clark says that his dad isn't out of the thick Pacific Northwest woods yet. Clark asks about Brotherman's brother. He's in serious need of a new liver. If he doesn't get one soon, won't be good. This kid looks like a younger, neutered, baby-fat version of Ryan from The O.C. Clark gives Brotherman the sympathy eyes as he talks about how his brother would want him to "hit the books" instead of studying. Hit them hard with his bloody fists in frustration and ambivalence about God. "What's it looking like for your dad?" asks BM. Like Janet Jackson's breast in 3-D. Clark brings up the open-heart surgery. Brotherman says is should be no sweat for Clark's dad, who's been bench-pressing proctologists all over the hospital. As the holy rays of fake light penetrate the hospital windows, Clark sits down and says he always thought of his dad as "a man of steel." They're going to replace Bo's heart with a giant block of gorgonzola. Clark says he was wrong. His father is actually made of cheap Reynolds Wrap. Brotherman launches into an inspirational ode to denial. They're all gonna be fine, and a year from now, they'll laugh about open-heart surgery, ha ha ha! I think the only one who'll be laughing is Dr. Hibbert. Clark likes that idea: "Yeah," he says, all shiny. Whups, Code Blue! Clark and Brotherman run to go find out what's going on.

Brotherman's brother is getting worked on, paddle-style. CLEAR! Dammit, live, damn you! Brotherman and Clark stand in the doorway of the darkest hospital room ever to kill a man. "Vince?" asks Brotherman. The frantic doctor wants Brotherman out of there. Beeping machines. Ping! Clark pulls the screaming Brotherman back. The doctor, who has craggy Willem Dafoe features, keeps trying. Chest pump. Chest pump. He gives up after five seconds of furious action. "Let's call it," he says. Time 'o death, 2:43 PM. The doctor throws down his gloves in frustration. Someone -- not the doctor -- is filling out a form on what looks like a PDA. An -mail form reads "Subject is ready for pickup." The person filling out the form submits it. We zoom in on the on-screen words: "for pickup." Close-up on the dead brother's face. Death be not loud, in this case.

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