Risky Business

Episode Report Card
admin: C+ | Grade It Now!
All You Need Is Cash

Adams enters and deflects House's accusation of tardiness by pointing out that she doesn't even work there. I don't think the show should dwell on that, because it doesn't make a lot of sense that she's allowed to work on the patients without being on the payroll. If nothing else, House's methods tend to involve a lot of risk, and the insurance company would probably prefer that non-employees not put patients in constant danger of dying. Adams notes that Barton (the patient) is rich and white, because House is still trying to get funding for a staff and his old office. Say, who was doing the diagnostics while House was up the river? Did they just shut down that whole department for a year? Because this town seems to have a pretty steady stream of people with impossible-to-guess diseases. Seems like it might have been a good idea to try keeping the department operating even without Mr. Brilliant Jerk over here. Anyway, could it be atropine poisoning? Nope. Park suggests thyrotoxicosis. House thinks it might be worth a try. Didn't we just have thyrotoxicosis? I'm sure I remember typing that word recently.

Barton's bedside. He says that everything looked tiny, and then it all went from small to big. House says it's "Alice in Wonderland Syndrome," which sounds like he's just making stuff up. But it really exists! I don't think it's a very good name, because it could apply to almost anything. If that's "Alice in Wonderland Syndrome," what's the name for when you cry so much you create an ocean of tears and then end up in a race with a Dodo? Anyway, House decrees that it's something in the occipital lobe. Allegedly it's a migraine without a headache. I have those! It's more of a glowing aura thing than a literary reference, though. House moves on to Phase II: begging for money. But Barton isn't feeling rich enough to hand out cash, saying, "We're trying to find money in our budget so we don't have to move our operations overseas." House pretends to accept that, then speaks Mandarin with the patient about mental illness: "It's taboo enough to destroy a high profile business deal." Then he vaguely threatens to breach confidentiality by putting him in a mental ward. Barton sighs (in Mandarin), "How much do you want?" The daughter looks suspicious.

House strolls into the cafe, pleased with having gotten a bunch of money so early in the episode. As he sits in their booth, he tells Adams and Park, "You're hired! You guys are going to love Doctors Chase and Taub." In my opinion, Doctors Chase and Taub would be better off not coming back to work for House. They should consider staying far away. Adams is appalled that the patient is destroying thousands of jobs. House says the jobs aren't being destroyed; they're just going to China. Park defends the basic concept of nationalism, which prompts House to compare it to "loyalty to real estate." He starts to steal Adams' burger. She leaves, saying, "I have hepatitis C." He switches to Park. She says, "She got it from me." House knows perfectly well that none of that is true, but he puts the burgers down anyway. I think he's just acknowledging a good excuse.

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