Season Finale

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Lesson Thirteen: People Aren't Metaphors

Uh, "no offense."

Everybody else, including Trump again, is like, "Whoa!" Alla's not done. "That's why I traded her as the weakest link." The crowd kind of revolts, and she's like, "You guys may not think so, but…" Randal looks unimpressed and a little sad at this, and Trump has to tell the crowd to settle down, and he addresses Alla: "I mean, you're known as a tough cookie, but...that's getting a little too tough, isn't it?" And kind of unnecessary? Why can't she act more like Marshawn, I guess is my question. No, my real question is this: Why, out of 16 people, is Alla automatically going to the negative? Everybody else: "Randal is great," "Rebecca is great." Alla: "Rebecca is worthless." Says a lot, I think. But also, couldn't you think of something nice to say about Randal? Is he on your radar at all? And I think she gets that Trump is just going to fight her on it as long as she does this, so she switches track: "I'm telling you the truth: Randal has been outstanding. He's somebody that takes control of a situation…" But Trump's still stuck on the negative campaign: "I know, but so is Rebecca outstanding." There are cheers, and Rebecca just looks sad some more. "I didn't see it," says Alla.

There are now a stupid Apprentice Filler "Moment" (a clip of the quadruple firing), commercials, and Randalites freaking out live in Newark -- he smiles and is gratified -- and then Trump introduces Dan Rosensweig, the COO of Yahoo!, who's sitting in the front row with Hazy Shade, Bill, and (I guess) Kendra. Dan tells us that Yahoo! loves charities, especially charities called "Autism Speaks" and "The Elizabeth Glaser Pediatric AIDS Foundation," and that unfortunately, against the wishes of Yahoo!, there wasn't a huge outpouring of money like they thought there would be. Dan announces their donation of $100,000, to be split between the two charities, and Hazy Shade applauds this, and he says they just "want these kids to get the money they deserve," and hopes Trump's audience will also donate generously. Which is awesome no matter how you look at it, wins all around, so who cares about the obvious mechanics of this. Rebecca nods at him excitedly and all you can see is her mountain of hair, and the while her hair is still just as shiny and aggressively pretty, it's just...kind of Barbarella now. Not so Super Spy Lady.

Trump talks about the two yooge potential jobs for the next Apprentice, and this part confuses me every year. Whichever one the Apprentice takes, the other one...what? Lies fallow? Or the runner-up gets it? But then why would he say...never mind. I couldn't care less, to be honest, about this part. The first one is a $400M condo project called "Trump Plaza Jersey City," which will be a double "architectural jewel" and will have "breathtaking views of the Hudson and Liberty State Park" and will be a "beautiful testament to high-end luxury building and design." The other one is a tripartite expansion/renovation on Trump's three Atlantic City casino/hotels (the Taj Mahal, the Marina, and the other one), which actually sounds like more fun, because it's entertainment and expansion, rather than residential and ground-up building. He tells them he'd like their decisions first, "before" he makes his mind up for sure, and Randal replies glibly that the Atlantic City project seems to hold the "greatest promise and greatest impact" for the Trumpanies as a whole. Grandma has questions about this, I think. ["So do I. Let's start with this one: Has Randal been to A.C.? Because…I mean, he's going to have to live there, functionally, which…in theory, yes, take the casino job. In practice…." -- Sars] Rebecca says that Atlantic City sounds very expensive and fun, and wishes Trump the best with it, but expresses a preference for the Jersey City one. Everybody claps, Trump says that makes things easier, I still have no idea what any of them are talking about.

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