Apprentice
Season Finale

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Lesson Thirteen: People Aren't Metaphors

"Randal, you're an amazing leader. Amazing." Everybody cheers. "And you lead through niceness; I mean, you really lead through example, and I think you'd be the first to admit that, Rebecca." Of course, she agrees. It's true! Trump remembers how, four or five times, people always drafted Randal when they could, he'd never seen anything like it. (Neither did we, because we didn't actually get to see him in action for the entire first half, and rarely after, and only assumed his awesomeness from the fact that every single candidate adored him and did everything he said.) "Rebecca, you're outstanding. Randal, you're hired."

Cheering, music, his huge grin, Randal shaking hands with everybody, the Viceroys, Trump, Rebecca, running over to the candidates to celebrate, Josh of course, Josh always and forever, how can you help yourself, it's all very exciting. And this is where I stop writing, every time, because there's a lot to navigate and it's all kind of ugly and it hurts my feelings, frankly, and I don't like talking about this kind of thing and...let's do it like a quiz.

Who Are You?

A. An applicant for a real live $250,000-salary job
B. A contestant on a somewhat degrading and heartless game show
C. The first Person Of Color to become The Apprentice
D. The presumptive winner from the first episode -- which you've now watched, and every episode following
E. A participant in a reality television show, in which every second of your life is taped
F. The first African-American to become a Rhodes Scholar out of Rutgers
G. A person with the ability to achieve three masters degrees and a doctorate by 34; a person driven, for whatever reason, to do just this
H. A Credit To Your Race
I. A performer in a live broadcast reaching almost 13 million people, a sizeable portion of whom are African-American, and watching it because you're on it
J. A ringer: your vast qualifications, experience and skills so outweigh the other sixteen candidates' that you'd have to fuck up really, really bad to lose this one
K. A former sports hero (NCAA Academic All-American in track and field)
L. The Black Guy, a lot of the time. In past offices, in classes, in places you'd really expect otherwise. Still.
M. Universally beloved and elevated practically to television sainthood, barring one regrettable megaphone incident that made even Trump and George laugh

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Apprentice

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