Joe Millionaire
Secrets Of The Women Of Joe Millionaire

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Secrets Of The Women Of Joe Millionaire

Next up is Mary. You remember Mary. Oh, you don't? She was the Asian girl with long hair. That's about all I remember of her, anyway. Mary says she learned that you can't take yourself or reality television too seriously. Well, that's always a danger for me. I definitely take reality television very seriously. Hee! Mary thinks that she might have made a blunder in wearing sunglasses to the ballroom. Oh, now I remember her and her shitty sunglasses. Mary thinks that if Evan knew about her sense of humor, he would have kept her around. Unless her sense of humor involves lots of dick and fart jokes, I don't think Evan would have cared. Mary reveals that she has a great personality, and that she's a hula-hoop champion. We get to see her hula-hooping. Mary considers herself a New Yorker even though she grew up in New Jersey. Then we get to see her walking down the mean streets of Manhattan wearing knee-high boots, a short skirt, and a black tube top. Look, I am all about expressing your individuality and such, but that just doesn't seem practical. And my mother would probably say she looks like a hooker. My mom's judgmental like that. Kidding, Mom! Mary says she feels like "an oddball geek inside who does zany things and doesn't really care what people think." If she doesn't care what people think, why did she agree to this interview to set the record straight? Just let it go. Mary says that if Evan is into hula-hoopers (and who's not, really?), he's missing out. We end with another shot of Mary working the hula hoop, and I haven't seen skill like that since Erin Moran on the opening credits of Happy Days.

Hey, it's my second best friend, Katy. Remember, I said if things didn't work out with me and Alison (call me!), then I would move on to Katy? Anyway, Katy says she's very honest and straightforward. Katy wins my heart again by saying, "People who think that you can go on a reality show and think it's going to change your life or make your career better are morons to begin with, because it doesn't." Thank you! That's what I've been saying all along. I can somewhat empathize with the people who go on reality shows that are contests, because maybe you want to win some money. But the people who go on shows like this one or The Real World are just deluded in general. Anyway, I'm off the soapbox. For now. Katy says that she didn't want to compete with the other women, and that if a guy isn't attracted to her, that's okay. Katy doesn't think Evan was a very good liar. Flashback to when Mojo asked Evan his middle name and he stammered and stuttered for, like, ten minutes. Katy wonders why Evan (and by extension, the producers) would create such a false environment and brings up the waltzing thing as an example. She says she doesn't care if someone knows how to waltz, and in fact, "at the end of the day if you wanna waltz with [her], [she's] gonna freak out." Amen, sister. Katy wants a guy who wants to sit and have a beer and watch the game with her. Katy says she's an assistant to a producer. Hmm, I wonder where she works? Interesting. Katy says she doesn't care how much money a guy makes, but she wants a guy to be funny. Seriously. Katy and I are like twins of the mind.

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Joe Millionaire




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