Episode Report Card
admin: B- | 1 USERS: A+
The Hardy Boys Need To Exfoliate More

The boys run after the thing, and we cut to it hoisting itself out of the manhole and running down the street. The boys come back out of the manhole -- Dean with some difficulty -- and decide to split up to pursue it. Duh. And they won't ever learn, because the season will progress, with them continuing to decide to "split up" and then finding that one or the other has become possessed, or kidnapped, or possessed, or, well you get the point. There are like a million people milling about this very residential-looking area, as Dean limps his way down an alley. Cut to Sam doing some very nice hard-mouthed stalking in a sort of cityscape. Oh, I had almost forgotten. They are "downtown." Where the clothes-robbers lurk. More rushing around with guns, until we pan in on Sam on a street corner, Dean approaching from behind and asking if he found anything. Sam says no, and starts walking toward the car. Dean glances around, and we now know to be suspicious, because nothing says SKIN MONSTER like glancing. As a car shines its headlights in Dean's face, his eyes get the MS Paint treatment. Metal Teeth Chomp.

Commercials. They boys walk up to the Metallicar. NotDean (thanks, forum!) asks for the keys and Sam turns to his brother somewhat stiffly. Sam asks his brother what is clearly a test question about their father fighting a shape-shifter in San Antonio. NotDean passes the test somehow: "That was Austin. And it wasn't a shape-shifter, it was a thought form, a psychic projection. 'Member?" Sam fake remembers and tosses NotDean the keys. NotDean opens the trunk, sees all the weapons, and smiles to himself just as Sam jumps back into the frame, pointing a gun at his "brother:" "Don't move! What have you done with him?" NotDean assures Sam that he's really Dean. Sam points out that he caught the keys with his left hand, when he just hurt his left shoulder. NotDean says it's better now and what of it? Sam somehow knows this isn't his brother, though. NotDean tries cajoling, "Why don't you pull the trigger then? You're not sure," and then tries an emotional appeal -- "Dude, you know me" -- but Sam doesn't put the gun down. NotDean then tries brute physical force, and simultaneously knocks the gun out of Sam's hand with his left arm and then knocks Sam out with his right. Fists of Fucking Fury!

Sam is tied up and bathed in cold, gross sewer light. Dripping and wet noises everywhere. Some candles are set up in the corner. NotDean walks into the frame, pauses to look at his NotBro, and then open-handedly smacks him across the face once more. Sam demands to know where Dean is. NotDean tells him he needs to worry about himself. NotDean assures Sam that he doesn't want to know what he'll do to him. Then, as monsters tend to do, NotDean starts providing lots of information to Sam about his monster ways and means: "I swear...the more I learn about you and your family..." Sam asks what he means by "learn." NotDean looks almost monstrously sympathetic as he gazes at Sam. A metallic slice-y sound as NotDean grips his forehead and we hear a cacophony of Dean dialogue (the only really comprehensible piece of which is Dean crankily commanding someone to not be afraid of the dark) that is presumably running through NotDean's head. It fades out, and NotDean glances at Sam: "He's sure got issues with you. You got to go to college. He had to stay home."

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