Survivor
Stupid People. Stupid, Stupid People

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What Passes For Shii Ann's "Big Move"

Anyway, Alicia and Amber win chops. Alicia chops at Shii Ann, who -- surprise! -- rolls her eyes. I think if her eye-rolls were laid end-to-end rather than just going round and round, Shii Ann would have rolled her eyes to Seattle by now. Amber chops at Big Tom, who she says "stole [her] pot." I don't think she means that the way it sounds, all violent and threatening and, you know, street. The next question is more touchy: who doesn't deserve to be an All-Star? It turns out the right answer was a tie between Alicia and Shii Ann. (My guess -- three votes for Alicia, three for Shii Ann, and one for Jenna.) Everyone predicted either Alicia or Shii Ann, so everybody gets a chop. Alicia chops Rob. Jenna chops Tom. Shii Ann chops Alicia. Amber chops Jenna. Rupert chops Shii Ann. Big Tom chops Jenna. Rob chops Big Tom with a mischievous smile, smashing his mask for good. Big Tom is out of the game.

Next question is who uses sex appeal as a weapon. The obvious winner is Rupert, because chicks dig the tie-dye and the facial hair with the bugs in it. No, just kidding. The actual winner is Amber, and everyone votes for her -- she even votes for herself. This makes them all laugh. Alicia chops Amber. Jenna chops Amber also. Shii Ann chops Jenna, so she's smashed. Or "completely beheaded," as Jeff says, a little too gleefully. Amber chops Alicia. Rupert smashes Shii Ann's mask, because she kept telling people to chop at him. "No need keeping the stragglers around," Rob says, as he chops Alicia and finishes her off. So who's left standing? Well, Rupert, whom everyone seems pleased largely to ignore. But also Rob and Amber. Rob and Amber. Given the opportunity to smash at whomever they choose, these people simply leave the prom king and queen to the prize. It's really something.

I love the next question: "Who is under the false assumption that they are [sic] smart?" Ouch. And again, the heart breaks over the inability to choose "Affirmative on all counts!" as your answer. The winner turns out to be Alicia, which no one predicts. Rupert predicted himself, by the way, and Amber predicted Tom, and Rob predicted Jenna. I find all three of those kinda funny. Alicia makes a face, surprised to see herself come up in this question and always ready to take anything that happens completely personally.

Next question: Who did the group think was the most honest? Amber and Rupert pick Rupert, while Rob picks himself. The answer is Rupert. Rob obviously picked himself because it makes sense that if you pick Rob for "trust with your life," you would pick him for "most honest," but it didn't turn out that way. These people are so weird. "I trust him with my life, but he's not the most honest." Maybe they think Rupert is honest, but also unable to tunnel out of a wet paper bag, were that the particular task on which your life depended. Perhaps Rob hast he highest average when you combine trustworthiness and the ability to tie your shoes without strangling yourself. Amber chooses to chop Rob, which is a nice try, and fools no one. Rupert knocks out Rob with the final chop of the round. Rob laughs and takes a seat.

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