Taller Than The Washington Monument

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A Fantasy Suite In The Lincoln Bedroom

Dinner. Jesse and Jessica sit by the ocean and sip frosty beverages. Jessica notes that she feels that it's all "too good to be true," and Jesse shoots back that she is "too good to be true," but he says it in kind of a loaded way that makes you feel like there's something going on behind those eyes. You'd be wrong. And here's why: "I'm gonna tell you something...and I don't know if I should be doing this." The ellipses are there because he repeats the same thing nine times. And then he adds: "I'm falling in love with you." Awwww! "I'm falling in love with somebody else also." Jessica holds back the tears and doesn't cry too bad, but he tells her that he wants to be honest with her. Jessica deems this "the worst thing to hear," and tells him that it's useless for her to dwell on it. The editing pulls it back to where they can feel okay about Jesse being a total, hypocritical dink ("What about the chiiiiiiiiiildreeeeeen?"), and he reads the note about the fantasy suite, which she pride-suckingly accepts. The room looks just exactly like the room always does. His tongue looks just exactly like his tongue always does.

Washington, Washington! D.C.! The Capitol Building! The Washington Monument! The Lincoln Memorial! The, um, statue thing of a lot of guys raising the flag that is some way incredibly important to our country and its rich history of taking nine people to lift a stitch of cloth affixed to a twig! A hook of patriotic music plays as a slo-mo pan of a flag (I swear I am not making this up) welcomes us to our nation's capital, where bills become laws, even though the greater majority of us learned about that process from Jennifer Keaton.

And now, things that make the location utterly irrelevant. Not that D.C. exactly presents itself as an "exotic" location, but I guess when the only other place the girl has been outside of Andrews, Texas is Andrews Township, Texas (the taxes are higher but the schools and pageants are SO much better), this is kind of a rip, maybe.

Oh, and remember that time Jesse said he was falling in love with two women? Then there's this date. Jesse tells us he was looking forward to seeing Mandy Jaye, and they share a hilarious moment of meeting when he sits down on a park bench that she's not sitting on! And pretends not to see her! Dude, when someone says "blind ice skater," that dude sure knows how to stay in character.

Jesse complains in a pre-date confessional that he feels like he still hasn't seen the "real" Mandy Jaye, worrying that he always gets "the politically correct answer" when he talks to her. So she's always answering his questions about how she feels about him with lengthy screeds about affirmative action and Title IX? What's politically correct about her? I think he means that she's stiff, rehearsed, and overly formal in all social settings, and that he got nervous when he saw the buildings that have all the politicking going on in them and said something about politics because he thought it would sound smart. It did not sound smart.

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