America's Next Top Model
The Girl Who Can Cry At The Drop Of A Hat

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Guess Who's Coming To Dinner

Julie Refern from Sephora pops in just before the gun goes off, and Camille (or "Cruella DeVil," as Yoanna calls her) slams over to the mirror and commandeers all of the brushes. The rest of the girls crowd around the mirror in a really awkward way that makes it look like Uma Thurman is about to pop up in the middle of them and yell, "I said goddamn," and a few of them are marooned to the outskirts next to the really hot vanity lights while Camille takes her sweet time in front of the entirety of the mirror. Time's up, and Jay and our new friend Julie line the girls up and appear to be near singing the "Yes No No No No No No" song from History of the World as Jay walks up and down the line, surveying the glamour and smokeyness of it all. April gets props for coming so far; Shandi is told that she's good but not faded enough; but it's Yoanna who is told that her lips are the closest to Tyra's.

Jay and Julie retreat for a quick bit of "whisper whisper ruzzah ruzzah peas and carrots peas and carrots ruzzah ruzzah ruzzah," and quickly return to announce that the winner of the challenge is Yoanna. Yay! She's allowed to pick three friends, who I think are the mystery guests for just one second. She chooses Sara and Xiomara, before Jay has to step is and is like, "I said three." Math is hard and she's just a girl! And this really does happen: Yoanna puts her hand out toward Heather, and then pulls it back at the very last second and points it at April. Best moment ever. The girls circulate a menu among those who have to cook the meal, and we get an immediate flashback of Yoanna's point-and-switch. "No one's gonna be there for you, that's what I've learned," Heather moans, screaming out her growing pains and thinking how much good it would do her aching soul if she could go for a nice, long swim in the familiar waters of Lake Needy.

Suddenly, Shandi's lying on the floor in slow motion. Everyone runs over in stop-frame. Yoanna bails the room to go get her some food, which is totally nice and also sane, like this one time we had a fire at my house when I was ten and I ran next door to get a fire extinguisher from the neighbors while everyone else ran around screaming. My favorite help Shandi is given is whoever's hand is trying to revive her by waving the menu for the dinner at her. Sadly, that appears to be the closest Shandi has gotten to food in a good long while. Poor Yoanna.

Shandi tells us that she needs to "make the time to get sleep and eat as much as [she] can" in a kind of whitewashing I Am Woman Hear Me Chew kind of way that means she's now apparently better. ["There's more to life than planning one's opportunities to sleep or eat? I simply won't believe it." -- Wing Chun] I guess that means she can peel her two-dimensional frame off the floor now and get back in her standard tablecloth for a night of practicing on the runway. I guess you do have to crawl before you can walk.

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America's Next Top Model




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