America's Next Top Model
The Girls Go Bald

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Bald Fuggle

The girls arrive at their hotel, which appears quite opulent. Several of them yell, "Shut up!" which I immediately yell back at them, to no avail. Andrea, nineteen, of Geneva, Ohio, says that she's one ball of emotion. She is not kidding. Wendy, twenty-two, of New Orleans says something, but I am too transfixed by her nose to be able to remember what it is. And then we meet Jade, twenty-six, from New York City, who says that everybody thinks she's very down to earth and cool with great style. She adds that she's very intimidating to a lot of the girls. If you've seen the episode, you know that Jade sucks.

The two Jays emerge. I am so sick of them. They look the same as they always have. If you put Mr. Jay on top of J. Alexander's shoulders they would look like a performance art interpretation of candy corn. Jay tells the girls that, right off the plane, they're going to be given their first challenge. A red carpet is rolled out. The girls are told that they will have three minutes to fashion an outfit out of their own clothes which best evokes one of three walks originally done by Tyra in various fashion shows. Tyra looks good in the clips, but then again they are from twelve or thirteen years ago. The walks are 1) sultry/sexy; 2) sophisticated; 3) young, virginal, and upbeat. I think that ancient cultures began to sacrifice virgins because they couldn't take how peppy they were. Jay tells the girls to get going, and Kathy, standing in the hotel courtyard, immediately drops her skirt. Jay explains to her that they actually will get to go inside first. This is our first, but far from last, clue that Kathy is a dumb-ass.

Inside, the girls change. Clothes are flying, bits are exposed (but not well enough for us to really see). Jade thinks quite highly of her outfit and herself, and attempts a sexy walk. Her outfit is cool, I must admit. Gina, twenty-one, from Odessa, Florida, who is Asian-American, also attempts a sultry sexy walk, as do several other girls. Furonda wears a wig. Which makes me ask, if you are not Dolly Parton or Cher, why would you just have a wig in your luggage? Next are the virginal walkers, including "Dr. Yvonne," twenty-seven, of Surfside, Florida. Dr. Yvonne is, in fact, a doctor. She has a fierce walk, and also gives a fierce pap smear. Sara, who we met at the top of the episode, says that she tried to walk in a sophisticated manner and tried to hit a fierce pose, but she doesn't really know what said fierce pose would really look like. Sara does not appear to be used to heels, which makes sense, since she is 6'1". When I first saw Sara, I didn't think she was all that pretty, but she soon became a lot better-looking by comparison with the others. Kathy wears a cute dress on the runway and has her hair up and looks a little better. Or maybe it's that I just can't really see her face.

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America's Next Top Model

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