Three Stories

Episode Report Card
admin: A+ | 3 USERS: A+
Something For Everyone

House checks out Mr. Stacy's charts, quickly notes that vasculitis has been ruled out as a source of his abdominal pain and fainting spells, and instadiagnoses it as indigestion or possibly a kidney stone. "Did you think I wasn't going to get married?" Stacy asks, because why say things that would make the person whose help you need want to help you when you can totally turn him off? House tries to walk away, but Stacy follows him and says that her husband has been to a ton of doctors, and no one can figure out what's wrong with him. But she knows that something is, since after living with House for a while, she managed to pick up some medical knowledge through osmosis. He, apparently, received some of her constitutional lawyer know-how in return, judging by his winning motion back in "DNR." Stacy says she has also observed mood swings and mental confusion in her husband, which House says could indicate that the mystery illness has a neurological component to it, or that Mr. Stacy is having an affair. Either way, House won't take the case. Stacy says she doubts that House has anything else to do, judging by his past behavior of avoiding heavy workloads at all costs, and House admits that it's not that he's too busy: "I'm not sure I want him to live." Oh, SNAP! House gets to live out #2 on every scorned lover's fantasy revenge list (the first being, of course, sewing dead fish into your ex's curtains and/or car upholstery)! Stacy's eyes well with tears, as they will be doing for the rest of the episode except for the parts where they're supposed to be welling, but remain oddly dry. Anyway, House tells Stacy that it's good to see her again, and leaves for his lecture.

"Three guys walk into a clinic," House begins his lecture to a smattering of uninterested students in a large lecture hall. "Their legs hurt. What's wrong with them?" Immediately, a guy who you know is the dorky overachiever -- because he's wearing glasses and also was the first person to raise his hand -- raises his hand. His answer is muscle strain, and the proper course of action is to apply heat and rest all affected areas. Yes, well, seeing as this is a lecture for medical students as opposed to a basic first aid training seminar, I'm thinking it'll be a tad more complicated than that. House says that, statistically, the nerd is correct most often. But there are other causes too, like pregnancy-caused varicose veins (seriously, what horribleness does being pregnant NOT make you susceptible to on this show?) or car accidents. Another student, an eager young lady who has just got to be the med student version of Cameron, asks what the three patients were doing when the muscle pain started. House says he doesn't know. A third student, played by Andrew Keegan, also known as 7th Heaven's Wilson, doesn't believe House that a medical history wasn't taken, making him kind of a medical student version of Foreman. Which means that eager-to-please suck-up is the student version of Chase. This also means that he should be more attractive, but why quibble? House says that a history only tells you what the patient said happened, which may or may not be consistent with reality.

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