Three Stories

Episode Report Card
admin: A+ | 3 USERS: A+
Something For Everyone

House does this back in the meeting room, House finishes slowly telling the Cottages to do some bloodwork and a neck scan on the volleyball player, and then announces that it's time to move onto the farmer. The Cottages are confused. House reminds himself that the farmer's case didn't come in until three months AFTER the volleyball player did. In Storyland, however, "time is not a fixed construct." Let's hope that theory extends to my recapping wages, since this episode should really count for like, one and a half recaps. ["Nice try." -- Wing Chun] The farmer is not responding to the second antivenom. They've run out of options.

"We're too late?" asks StudentCameron, trying to not to cry at the sadness of it all. You see, Farmer's untimely death makes her think of her dead StudentHusband. House hobbles down off the lecture hall stage and asks the students who wants to let the farmer's wife know that her husband is a goner. For the first time this episode, StudentChase's hand does not fly into the air. House says that, actually, the farmer isn't married, which makes the bad news-breaking a little bit easier. Another thing they should know: their drug addict is peeing blood.

Back from the commercial, House uses a yellow crayon to color in a piece of paper as he asks the class if they've learned how to tell a patient that he's dying. I hope, for the patients and their families' sakes, that they didn't learn it from whoever taught Cameron. StudentChase says that they've done role-playing in their "how to be the messenger who doesn't get shot" class, which must have been a lot of fun for the more performance-inclined members of the class. I know I would have a blast in the role of the Dying Patient as I railed against the God who let this happen to me and then tearfully accused the doctor of my murder. Depending on what I was fake-dying of, I would request that my kidney be donated to an ailing neighborhood child, because if I'm going to play a character, it's going to be someone who's really noble and stuff. Back on the show, House says he has a "buddy" who is so good at delivering bad news that his patients have been known to thank him when he's done. Shit, I don't even thank the guy who delivers my Amazon orders. House is either talking about Wilson or Cameron, who only gets thanked because she would rather lie and tell the patients' families that their loved one made a full recovery and then jetted off to Hawaii, where he will live out the rest of his days in solitude, which is why no one can know where he is or ever see him again, then just say he done died and make them sad. House picks up a brown crayon for his little drawing as he says his patients rarely thank him.

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