Sorority Life
Timeo And Nicoliet

Episode Report Card
admin: C+ | Grade It Now!
God Is Mad

Night. Hot tub. The recycled footage from Episode Two or whatever. Karissa, Nicole, and Brooke in the hot tub. Talking about sex. Nicole tells us about her first time, but I just block it out. Yikes. Karissa talks about how she sleeps in Screech's bed and he also asks about it. She says she doesn't want to talk about it, and starts fellating a pen. Montage. Montage. Brooke's boobs. They ask if he's the type Karissa might marry, and she says, "Yeah," totally unenthusiastic. Brooke, because she has no experience with men, says that if she's going to marry him, she should wait. Karissa then says, "Yeah, he wants to, just like, romp all the time." Brooke asks what we're all wondering: "What does 'romping' mean?" Karissa says, "Doing it." Then she demurs, saying she doesn't want to talk about this anymore. You know what my theory is? I think Karissa doesn't know what sex is. I think she has some weird view of cuddling and petting as sex. Some strange God-based ignorance, and she knows it, and that's why she keeps saying she doesn't want to talk about it. Or she's totally fucking left and right, and doesn't want her parents to know. It could just be that.

Buffalo. Buffalo. A park. Kids play football. A grown man practices fly-fishing. Someone buys a pear. It's two dollars! Goddamn, that's a fucking expensive pear. It better be made of chocolate. Or strippers.

Student union. Spike is Nicole's "big." She tells us she wants Spike to be supportive of her relationship with Tim. She camera-deludes about how if she can get Spike on board, maybe Spike in turn can sway the sisters into liking Tim. But Spike fucks her world by announces that she's been hearing Tim might have a girlfriend. "Tim has a girlfriend?" says Nicole, looking around. She then camera-talks, her mouth hung open. She tells us she's in shock. Hee. No one will talk, and finally Brittany, so high she's stuffing her munchies-having face with four lunches at once, says one of the brothers said he thought Tim might have a girlfriend. "What. The. Fuck?" asks Nicole, smiling to cover the deep and intense pain. "Can this happen to me again?" She tells us that she's done this before -- that she's "talked" to guys, who then have girlfriends. God. Maybe that's your fault for just "assuming" something, sister. Maybe you shouldn't take some dude being embarrassed into giving you a rose when there are cameras on him as true love. Nicole asks Spike if she can just go ask him. Spike says she would. Nicole yells, losing it, "Holy shit. If this happens to me again, I'm going to freak out." She finally pages Tim and they meet at the side of the dining hall. They sit in chairs. "Do you have a girlfriend?" asks Nicole. And…commercials.

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Sorority Life




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