What The…?, Part II

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admin: B | Grade It Now!
Andrew's Own Medicine Tastes Terrible

Anyway, now Jeff moves on to Burton, who's like, "Duh." I mean, he goes to the trouble of making an argument about how he's strong and competitive, and how badly he wants to win, but it's basically, "Duh." He also gives his word that he'll never lie to whatever other Outcast returns to the game. Come on, you know they're sending Burton. These people love him. He's the older brother and the wilderness guide and the porn star all wrapped up in one guy. I'd vote him into the game myself. I would even vote him into my apartment. Welcome, himbo! Take off your shoes; you'll be staying a while. The door locks from the inside. With a key.

Jeff explains to the gathered Outcasts that they're each going to head up to the voting pot and vote for two people to go back into the game. And no, sneakypants, you can't vote for yourself. Whichever two of them receive the most votes will head back into the drama, the intrigue, and the limited rations. Of course, the thing to do if you want to go back yourself is to vote for people you think won't get votes from other people, but you risk a situation where everyone else has the same thought as you and you'll wind up sending, like, Michelle and Nicole back in. It's interesting; I don't know how I'd strategize this vote.

Ryan S. votes, and we see that one of his votes is for Lill. "Lill," he says, "I would never put your name down unless it was for somethin' good. If it's not me, I hope it's you." Aw, that was extremely cute, even though they showed it superimposed over that weird curvy frown Lill has that makes her look like Beaker from The Muppet Show. Next up is Trish. One of her votes goes to Burton. "If I can't win," she says, "I want another Outcast member to win." Next up is Burton. We see neither of his votes. Lill casts one of her votes, unsurprisingly, for Ryan. "I want you in almost as much as I want to be in, and I hope we can be together," she says. Aw. They're so Harold and Maude. Or, you know, Michael Douglas and Catherine Zeta-Jones, only backwards. We see neither of Nicole's votes. Michelle casts one of her votes for Nicole. Nicole? See, I think that was a craven attempt to avoid giving votes to any likely contenders. Because I don't think anyone thinks Nicole is going to be kicking any Morgan or Drake ass. I don't think Nicole could even kick any Starbucks barista ass, so...yeah. Not Nicole.

Jeff goes off to tally the votes on his secret pirate-themed abacus, and soon returns with the vote pot. He starts reading votes. Burton. Lill. Burton. Lill. Michelle. Nicole. (Nicole?) Ryan. Trish. Ryan. Nicole. (NICOLE?) And the winners are...Burton! Lill! "I am a nice person!" Lill says with shock as she realizes that she's going back into the game along with Burton. "Those guys are goin' down," Burton growls with a grin. I thought that was kind of sweet, even though something about Lill unsettles me. It may be her uniform. I don't know. Burton and Lill are sent over to grab their torches, and are allowed to dip them into the fire and be lit again. Fire is life, you know. You will also recall that Lill's torch anviliciously refused to go out the first time she was booted. There really are signs everywhere! Jeff then turns to Michelle, Nicole, Ryan, and Trish, and tells them that now, it's time for them to leave for good. They go, one by one, and as he leaves, Ryan stops to give an obviously heartfelt hug to Lill. Awwwww. What are you, made of stone?

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