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Friday the 13th, Part XXIV
that puddle to a hapless Russian dragging himself along the rug, presumably to answer the aforementioned phone. Oh, and there's another dead guy. And yet another: Mikhail Novakovich, flat on his back, nailed to the floor with a fireplace poker (!) through the belly and his head floating in a puddle of blood. I don't know what's worse; that Kiefer just wiped out a Russian Foreign Minister and his entire security detail, or the fact that we didn't get to see it. It's Novakovich's phone that the lone survivor is trying to get to, and when he does, he politely answers, "Yes?" Awesome. Just because you're a victim of an off-screen mass murder doesn't mean you have to abandon the social graces. Jason has to spend a few seconds figuring out who he's talking to before the man explains, "We've been attacked. It was Bauer." He says Novakovich is dead, like everyone else, including himself, practically. Jason asks if Novakovich said anything to Kiefer. "I need an ambulance," the guard whines. Jason tells him to answer the question first. "Nothing," the guard says. "Bauer just came in shooting. But he was bleeding. I think he was wounded by one of the guards." Jason lies that an ambulance is en route and hangs up at 1:56:16. Then he returns to Logan, shoos away the EMTs that have re-settled around him like roosting pigeons, and tells him that Kiefer killed Novakovich and all his men. Well, at least that's one less awkward conversation Logan's going to have to have later. Although I'm looking forward to seeing how Taylor takes this news.

Splitscreen. Logan pulls off the oxygen mask, apparently having just decided to get better. No shit, if he can survive getting knifed by his crazy ex-wife, he can live through a confrontation with Kiefer. Taylor continues staring out her window. Chloe's driving herself somewhere, presumably to the U.N. to supervise her non-existent security force there. Reed is being driven somewhere by the FBI. Cole is en route to Jim's techno-sanctum. And as for Jim himself, he's just poured himself a stiff drink. Apparently when Kiefer told him to start erasing all their connections, Jim decided to start with the synaptic ones. For which I don't entirely blame him.

Cut to the motorcade carrying the Russian president from the heliport. Looks like the missus stayed home this time. Suvarov's personal cell phone rings and he answers it. "Yuri, Charles Logan," Logan chokes out. Suvarov grumps about Logan not showing up at the heliport to meet him, and Logan mirthlessly chuckles, "I ran into some trouble." Can Suvarov not tell that the dude sounds like someone curbstomped him while wearing golf cleats? Logan breaks the news: "It appears that Mikhail Novakovich was just murdered by Jack Bauer." Obviously Suvarov is stunned. He asks how Kiefer found out what Novakovich had been up to. "From me," Logan says. "The lunatic was gonna kill me, Yuri, what can I say? Think of it as sacrificing a rook for a king." More game metaphors. "Then Bauer has no idea that Novakovich was operating under my orders?" Suvarov asks. So Suvarov's the bad guy at the top of the bad-guy pyramid. Which at least explains why he's made up to look like Grandpa Munster now. Logan assures him, "As far as Bauer is concerned, the trail ended with Novakovich. He's being hunted by every law enforcement agency in the city, and I've heard that, he, heh heh, he's been wounded." Gregory Itzin is such a ham sometimes, but he's got the chops to get away with it. Even though Logan's a dick with an anti-Midas touch, I'm so glad they brought him back. "There is nothing more dangerous than a wounded animal," Suvarov points out. Logan points out that maybe Suvarov never should have ordered Walker killed, then. "That's what stirred up the hornet's nest." Suvarov argues, "If I had known that you were going to find out about our activities and use that information to blackmail me into signing Taylor's peace agreement, I wouldn't have bothered with the woman." Logan claims he just wanted to get back in the game. "You wouldn't begrudge an old friend his second chance in the sun?" So has everything been fully explained? Has this conversation between two people who already know half of what they've been saying to each other been sufficiently expository to all of us? And to anyone else who might be listening in?

Good. Because as Logan speaks, the camera slowly zooms in on a tiny metal dot attached to the inside of his shirt collar. And because of it, Kiefer can hear everything they've been saying on a mobile listening device of his own. Oh, Logan, you moron. Fool you twice, shame on you. Kiefer's looking pretty shaky as Logan promises to meet Suvarov at the U.N. ASAP. Then he takes out his earpiece, shoulders that giant duffel that never seems to get any smaller, and staggers away, leaving us to contemplate the big red blotch he left on the alley wall he was leaning against. It really stands out on account of how everything else in New York City is either blue or gray, at least according to how this whole season has been photographed. It's 2:00:00, and I finally just figured out why Russia's only had one president during a period when we've had four: theirs just hasn't had enough contact with Jack Bauer. Yet.

Series finale next week. I can hardly believe it myself.

M. Giant is a Minneapolis-based writer with a wife, a son, and a number of cats that seems to have settled at around two. Learn waaaay too much about him at Velcrometer, follow him on Twitter, or just e-mail him at M.Giant[at]gmail.com.

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