11:00 AM – 12:00 PM

Episode Report Card
Gustave: B | Grade It Now!
Kiefer kombustion

The FauxYorkMobile pulls up at the entrance of the TerrorKompound, where AsianTerrorMinion is standing guard along with half a dozen other assorted gun-wielding extras. Kiefer reminds FauxYork that he'll get a bullet in his head if there's a problem. According to ATM, Gaines has been waiting for FauxYork to show up and isn't too damn happy that he's late. "What happened to your face?" he asks. "I was fighting with your wife," says FauxYork. Heh. Access is gained. The time is 11:12:02 AM.

The time is 11:16:26 AM. Klockwise from the top left, Kiefer's in FauxYork's backseat, Bride hides, and Palmer thinks hard. The FauxYorkMobile parks in a secluded spot on the TerrorKompound. Kiefer asks FauxYork for a briefing on the whereabouts of the Kieferettes and the number of armed men on-site. FauxYork pleads ignorance and tries to play psychological games with Kiefer, implying that he and Bride had a moment. Kiefer refrains from taking the bait and simply waves the gun in FauxYork's face some more. FauxYork points out the location of The Stable Of Sensuality for Kiefer on the map on his Palm Pilot, and then tries to knock him out with a karate chop to the neck. The chop is blocked, and Kiefer retaliates. FauxYork loses consciousness for the third time this morning.

I guess no one wants to pay Zeljko Ivanek's salary this week, because his presence on the TerrorKompound is limited to a voice-over via Gaines's cell phone. "I assume you know we are working against the clock," says ForeignAccentedTerrorBoss to Gaines as various TerrorMinions pack up the TerrorShack. Gaines assures FATB that the TerrorKompound will be vacated within the episode…I mean, "hour," as the Terror Minions continue to march along the hardwood floors and past custom-paned windows, struggling to get the TerrorShack ready for an Ethan Allen commercial being shot there that afternoon. Gaines runs into Rick, who is moving some TerrorGear into one of the TerrorVans. He asks him where Igor went, since he hasn't been seen since he went to go kill the Kieferettes. Rick, a.k.a. The Worst Liar The World Has Ever Known, says he hasn't seen Igor. Gaines tells Rick to go find him. Rick is all, "Do you want me to load this up first?" Gaines stares at him for five minutes, pondering the question like a deer in headlights until he finally decides that Rick should indeed "load this up first."

Elsewhere on the TerrorKompound, Kiefer prances through the forest like a wood nymph, darting from tree to tree with his gun drawn. He finds the TerrorShack, spies Gaines through the window, and checks his Palm Pilot for the location of The Stable Of Sensuality. Noticing that the TerrorMinions seem to be moving out, he darts around them with the wind and sunlight in his hair, stopping at various trees to draw his gun some more and aim it at the imaginary terrorists in his mind.

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