2:00 AM – 3:00 AM

Episode Report Card
Gustave: B | Grade It Now!
The gay sex episode

At 2:41:22, the girls are running past the Bronze. They hear the evil frat boys coming, so they hide. Hey, whaddya know? The place they try to hide inside of turns out to be Po Ho's squat. Oh, sure, it's a back alley but Po Ho has decorated it to a shabby-chic perfection. He even has framed photos by his bed. "Wanna score some dope?" says Po Ho. Po Ho? Just pick one illegal profession and stick to it already. It's always best to specialize. No wonder you're not a successful prostitute; you're not focusing properly. Spawn asks him to help them find a phone. Po Ho picks up a knife and gives this embarrassing speech about the irony of helping a couple of girls who are wearing five-hundred-dollar designer jeans while Po Ho has nothing. This monologue might be just a little more effective if Po Ho's skintight muscle shirt and rust-colored distressed leather jacket didn't look like they were purchased in the penthouse section of Barneys New York. But who knows? Maybe he got busy at a sample sale. Not to mention the fact that if I was a male prostitute and a dope dealer, I'd be able to afford a nicer apartment than the one I live in now. "Wanna trade places with me for a while?" says Po Ho with his knife to PMMS's face. "Wanna turn tricks while I snuggle with your daddy in the Hollywood foothills? Go away!" Spawn tells him that they've been kidnapped and PMMS's arm is broken. "Welcome to the neighborhood," says Po Ho bitterly. "Is there any way out besides the front door?" says PMMS, whose natural-looking makeup scheme looks quite fresh considering that she's just had drunken sex, done roofies, had her arm broken, done some smack, and run a few miles through a dirty maze of back alleys. Maybe she did a little touch-up during a commercial break using a pool of urine as a mirror. Po Ho shakes his blade at them some more and tells them to get out of his space. They run away.

Back at CTU, Nina is making a fresh pot of coffee, because after all she's got to stay focused if she wants to be sexually available to everyone in the office and do her job. Kiefer enters the coffee room, sneaks up behind her, and, using the patented Sutherland velvety bedroom whisper, asks Nina how long she's been "playing" him. Nina is all, "Playing you?" Kiefer throws her down onto a black Til-Behrens-designed office chair and whips out the key card, which, if memory serves, should probably be in the possession of Jalapeno Spice right now if she wants to retrieve the information on it by Episode Six…I mean, "6:00 AM." "Who are you working for?" he says. I was wondering when he was going to say that line, since it's been in all the promos for 24 since September. Nina is indignant that Kiefer would suspect her of being the mole agent.

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