24
Day 2: 1:00 AM – 2:00 AM

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Gustave: C | Grade It Now!
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What a riot!

Anyway, that's the exact same expression Cate has on her face right now as she asks Kiefer why more proof is needed when they are being shot at. Kiefer tells her it's still not enough proof. PMAA calls again to let Kiefer know that another Humvee full of snipers is pulling up in front of the warehouse. Kiefer relays the news to SCS and insists that they call in outside help from CTU. SCS reluctantly allows it, once Kiefer promises that everything will be kept "offline" and that information about their whereabouts won't fall into the wrong hands. Kiefer calls Bitchelle's cell phone. At CTU, Bitchelle walks around the floor and keeps her expression inscrutably casual as she informs Kiefer that her cell phone is scrambled, so they can talk now, but otherwise, she's being monitored and shouldn't be contacted over the CTU phone lines in the future. "You were right," says Kiefer. "Syed Ali's recording was a fake. The president is about to invade the Middle East based on falsified evidence." Bitchelle asks him if he has proof. Kiefer promises to get some if Bitchelle can help them by finding out how many men are surrounding them using infrared satellite Whatever Technology. Bitchelle promises to see what she can do, walks over to a computer, and gets to work. Kiefer tells PMAA and SCS that they're going to have to wait a while.

Uh oh. Another Spawn plot begun before the first commercial break. Not a good sign. Back at the convenience store, paramedics remove the dead body of MenacingStoreOwner and the live, but wounded, body of HisPanic and take them to that junkyard where the casualties of Spawn subplots go to die. Spawn asks the African-American Police Deputy with tonight's speaking part if HisPanic is going to be okay. Who cares? Spawn tells BlackDeputyWithSpeakingPart that the death of MenacingStoreOwner truly was an accident. BDwSP takes note of Spawn's account of the accidental shooting, but explains to her that the DA still wants to know what he was doing with a gun in the first place. "It wasn't his," says Spawn, watching the ambulance drive away. BDwSP asks for an explanation. Spawn explains that the gun belonged to her. "My name is Spawn of Kiefer," she says. "This afternoon I escaped from police custody and I'm a suspected murderer." Damn, I don't think we'll be seeing Spawn run tonight.

Meanwhile, at District Headquarters in Los Angeles -- yes, the "District" we've hearing about for so long -- Palmer and staff watch Fox News and learn that there's all this violence happening on the East Coast, where apparently people are up at 4:00 AM, aware of the B-O-M-B and rioting. Okay, people are not only awake at this hour, but they've also formed angry mobs? I always let 24 get away with many violations of the real time format, because I'd rather this show be entertaining than "accurate." But jeez, all I can think right now is that when I am up at 4:00 AM -- and I was once for this paper route I had in junior high -- I am most certainly not able to turn on the television, let alone watch the news, call up ten of my gun-toting friends, arrange to meet at the nearest Middle Eastern neighborhood for an angry riot, and lastly get my ass there and do enough scary shit to make me the lead story on Fox News. Palmer asks PoorMan'sHumeCronyn about calling in the National Guard. PMHC tells Palmer that they're ready to be deployed in all major cities. "What about outside the major cities?" asks Palmer. PMHC expects that they may have to bring in "the military" to help out if local law enforcement is unable (or unwilling) to restore order. Palmer tells him to call General Windbag and have him put troops on standby. "The army?" says PMHC. "We can't do that." He explains about that rule where you can't use U.S. Army or Air Force troops on American soil. Okay, number one, if it's a law that we can't use Army or Air Force troops on American soil, then why did PMHC just suggest that they bring "the military" to help, and then tell Palmer about that law? And number two, what a strange law. When you think about it, isn't it weird that we as a country are so sure that no one would ever invade our land that we can afford to have laws forbidding U.S. troops engaging in combat on American soil? Like, we just know that no wars would ever be fought here, so we just assume that our armed forces exist for the exclusive purpose of fighting wars in other countries. And apparently Posse Comitatus is a real law in existence. However, for some reason, the Navy and the Marines are allowed to be brought in, but the Navy is, well, the Navy. I mean, what are they going to do? Send a boat in to stop the looting and plundering? And there aren't enough Marines, what with Joshua Gracin off doing American Idol. But then it's weird that they're even feeling the need to explain this law to us, the viewer, because I've only ever heard of the National Guard being brought in to quell American riots. I never considered that the Army would ever be brought in until PMHC told me that it was not an option. "I'll deal with the consequences," says Palmer, telling PMHC to call General Windbag anyway. The next order of business is the bombers. Rolaide informs Palmer that the planes are on their way and should reach Fauxraqistan, Akalakistan, and Tofurkey sometime during Episode 22…I mean, "in four to five hours."

Back at CTU, Bitchelle is going through some satellite imagery in search of Kiefer's lokation. Meanwhile, the noises that this Satellite Station makes sound just like Pac Man. Guess who's looking over Bitchelle's shoulder! It's Lesbo-Carrie, of course. She wants to know what Bitchelle is doing at the Satellite Station. Bitchelle does a quick Alt-Tab so that Lesbo-Carrie can't see what she's doing, and says that she's just "checking on something." Then, in order to get Lesbo-Carrie out of her personal space, Bitchelle sends Carrie off to go do some work. "I'm going to go see if Soul Patch needs any help," says Lesbo-Carrie. She runs up to Soul Patch's Sky Cube to tell him that Bitchelle is not only looking up stuff at the satellite station, but that she received a call on her cell phone that she didn't log into her book. Soul Patch, who's still hobbling around on crutches, insists that it's not that strange for Bitchelle to be looking up satellite information, and that she could have been talking to Division. Nevertheless, he has Lesbo-Carrie find out what Bitchelle is looking at over at the Satellite Station. He then hobbles over to look down over a rail at Bitchelle, who is dashing from station to station on the floor.

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24

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