Day 2: 11:00 PM – 12:00 AM

Episode Report Card
Gustave: B | Grade It Now!

The time is 11:12:05 PM. On Air Force One, PMHC informs Palmer that, so far, there have been no known casualties due the detonation of the B-O-M-B...except for the pilot. Palmer tells PMHC to offer his condolences to Kiefer's Spawn, and learns that it was Mason and not Kiefer who was flying the plane. Palmer asks how the switch took place. "We're still getting the details," says PMHC. Palmer just makes a face as if to say, "What a wacky hospital!" like Bill Murray did in the final act of Tootsie. Rolaide enters to announce that CTU determined that the Cyprus tape was real, and therefore Syed Ali had the direct support of Fauxraqistan, Akalakistan, and Tofurkey. "Do we have any reason to doubt the veracity of this report?" asks Palmer. Oooh! Someone's taking the SATs soon! Rolaide tells them about Syed Ali's denial. "But I suppose that's to be expected," she says. Palmer sees no reason not to respond. He calls for a meeting with the Joint Chiefs of Staff, and issues a public statement that the B-O-M-B went off and there were no casualties. "And contact the Hill," says Palmer. "Let them know I'll be calling an emergency session of Congress during which I'll be asking them for a formal declaration of war." Dun dun dun! The time is 11:14:05 PM.

Okay, whoever thought of casting Kiefer in this voice-only role in Phone Booth is a genius. Oh, wait, Joel Schumacher made this film. So much for that idea. Nevertheless, I think that Hollywood is onto something. Instead of casting our favorite actors in films, let's just cast our favorite parts of them. In this case, why have Kiefer do anything but speak menacingly to Colin Farrell? I'll go. Hopefully, if this film is a hit, we could be seeing films featuring only J.Lo's ass, Halle Berry's breasts, Angelina Jolie's lips, and Billy Bob Thornton's package. Just animate them and have them dance around and sing show tunes. It'll be awesome.

The time is 11:18:19 PM. Klockwise from the top left, Spawn is still sitting by the side of the road, Kiefer is flying back to L.A., Palmer sits at his desk in front of his Presidential screen saver, and Bitchelle goes back to her desk to work. Soul Patch approaches Bitchelle's desk and asks for something. Bitchelle is frosty towards him. Soul Patch asks if she's okay after all that tension between her and Lesbo-Carrie. "I can handle Carrie," says Bitchelle. And you have. Soul Patch assures her that the folks at Guantanamo will continue to get to the bottom of Syed Ali's claims. "It may be too late," says Bitchelle.

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