24
Day 2: 2:00 PM – 3:00 PM

Episode Report Card
admin: B+ | Grade It Now!
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Mike Novick is back. Hide your heart.

Electric blue Kiefer. 24. Previouslys. Reza is questioned by Soul Patch about his ties to a terrorist named Syed Ali. Turns out he was just covering for Papa Crew. Lady Mac drops in on Palmer improbably to inform him of a growing conspiracy forming against him. Spawn takes back JonBenet from DaddyStopTouchingMe and sneaks her out of the hospital. DaddyStopTouchingMe tries to stop them, but En-Rick-Ay gives him a karate kick and they take off in DSTM's blue Lexus. Guess who gets to interrogate Nina? Why, none other than Kiefer. Impartial, professional Kiefer. Except he gets excited at some point and starts shooting at her in the middle of a videotaped interrogation. They hire a chaperone to protect Nina from Kiefer, but Kiefer drugs the guy.

Military airbase. Kiefer and Nina's big-ass armored ("amour-ed"?) truck arrives for a flight to Visalia. I had assumed they were driving to Visalia, but I guess they need to get there during this episode. Kiefer escorts Nina, still in leg irons, over to the awaiting plane. ShuffleStepNina tells an agent named Doug standing outside the plane that Kiefer drugged Agent Miller to "get her alone," and implores him to "tell Mason." Kiefer doesn't deny Nina's accusations. He even tells Doug when he should wake up Miller. Kiefer and Doug high-five each other, and it dawns on Nina that Doug's allegiance is to Kiefer and that he won't be relaying her message to Mason. Kiefer and Nina board a plane that looks like a vibrator with wings. It taxis down the runway. They're off. Oh, but wait. The agents aboard the plane are not so chummy with Kiefer. One of the agents, who is a dead ringer for Sean Astin ["and is another 90210 alum, Michael Cudlitz" -- Sars], informs Kiefer that he knows what he did to Agent Miller and that he'll be watching out for Nina's safety. Kiefer warns him to "stay out of it." PoorMan'sSeanAstin is all, "Consider me your new chaperone." Chaperone? That's an interesting word choice. It's like Kiefer and Nina are on a date. Then again, they sort of are. Kiefer goes over some Whatever Technology with a hot black agent whose death I'll be expecting shortly. Erotic Airways Flight 69 hits the runway and takes off. Its angry, hard shaft penetrates the moist, willing afternoon sky with a lusty ambivalence that wavers between new hate and old lust…okay, I'll stop now. They're on their way to Visalia.

Back at Chez Crew, PoorMan'sCateBlanchett gazes out the window while Reza stands outside talking to HandsomeBlackAgent, who has gone, like, three episodes now without being killed. PoorMan'sReneeZellweger enters, and by the way, she is slowly emerging as the winner of the Most Viscerally Hateful New Cast Member Award…for me, anyway. A lot of folks on the boards hate PoorMan'sCateBlanchett. Now, I don't judge, but I just don't feel the Cate Hate myself. But as far as my hate is concerned -- it's all about Marie Warner. Spoiled? The girl makes Spawn seem grounded. Hypocritical self-righteousness? Narcissism? The antics of Theo Palmer are all but forgotten. And she seriously needs to play outside or eat some red meat, because there is a fine line between "Pre-Raphaelite beauty" and "anorexia-related bitch face," and Renee is crossing it as we speak. "Way to go, Cate!" says Renee to PoorMan'sCateBlanchett, rubbing it in her face that her actions have set a witch-hunt in motion designed to bring ruin to both families. Cate points out that she had no idea the government would get involved. "Why would they be asking Dad questions now?" She concludes that Reza is hooked up with some bad people, possibly terrorists, and warns Marie that if they keep their "heads in the sand" about Reza, it will ultimately hurt Papa Crew.

Just then, Reza enters and tells PoorMan'sReneeZellweger to come with him. Cate asks him what he told Soul Patch. Reza is all, "The truth." He reminds her that it's Papa Crew's company and that he's the one in charge. Cate accuses him of ratting out Papa Crew to save his own ass. "I have done more for your father than you will never know," says Reza elliptically, and faults Cate for hiring a private detective to dig up dirt on him. Cate points out that there was still dirt to be dug up, and that's Reza's fault. Reza insists that Papa Crew is the one to blame for that. Cate yells at him to stop slandering her father. AnemicBitchFace tells them both to shut up and leaves the room, probably to weigh herself compulsively or pick at imaginary fat rolls in front of the mirror. "Nice work, Cate," says Reza, exiting behind Renee. Cate is left alone in the living room, looking confused and horrified.

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24

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