24
Day 2: 9:00 AM – 10:00 AM

Episode Report Card
Gustave: C+ | Grade It Now!
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Kiefer Underkover

Chez Crew. PoorMan'sCateBlanchett is on the phone with Burton the private detective, who I suspect is this season's FauxYork in that he's not who he says he is and he's just using PoorMan'sCateBlanchett to spy on FarsiBoy. But I could be wrong. Cate klaims that she can't get her hands on FarsiBoy's wallet, which is needed so that Burton can run a check on his ID. Burton suggests that she get his passport instead, since it's probably in his car. "I can't just steal his passport," protests PoorMan'sCateBlanchett, looking out of her window and checking out FarsiBoy doing his perfect son-in-law routine for the rest of the family. Burton explains that she doesn't have to. She can simply copy down the names of all the countries he's visited in the last six months. Cate runs out of the front door, and despite the fact that she's creeping around like she just murdered someone and ate the body, none of the caterers or movers who she encounters on the way to FarsiBoy's car seem to think that anything is amiss. Skinny blondes get away with everything. Don't get me started. After a frantic search of the Farsimobile, Cate finally digs up FarsiBoy's passport, rips a blank note page out of his Daytimer, and copies down the destinations and dates from inside. Write, Lola, write! Meanwhile, the music that's playing during this scene reminds me of a slightly edgier version of the wacky instrumental playing in the movie 9 to 5 when Lily Tomlin, Dolly Parton, and Jane Fonda are trying to steal their boss's corpse from the hospital despite a hilarious assortment of problematic encounters. Cate is just putting back the passport when FarsiBoy happens upon her. She explains her presence in his car by claiming that she needed to re-park his car to make room for the catering vans. "Well, why didn't you call me," asks FarsiBoy. Cate laughs nervously and explains that she didn't want to bother him. FarsiBoy assures her that he'll re-park the Farsimobile himself, so he gets into the driver's seat -- giving us, incidentally, a nice view of his butt.

Meanwhile, back at Rough Trade Auto Shop, Kiefer is bent over…the open hood of his car, that is. He pretends to poke around the engine in order to determine why it won't start. Krispin comes up behind him and asks him why he's still around. Kiefer tells him to mind his own business, then walks over to Eddie and tells him that the bomb that Krispin was working on isn't going to work. "The fuses are too tight and your man's a joke," says Kiefer. Krispin reacts explosively -- see what I just did there? -- to Kiefer's critique of his bomb-making skills and attacks him from behind. Although he's caught unprepared, Kiefer's martial arts skills easily match for Krispin's street-fighting moves. Kiefer takes Krispin down using his trademark Sutherland lovemaking skills. The cracking of bones can clearly be heard as Kiefer twists Krispin's leg. Krispin moans in pain…or is it pleasure? The junkyard gang approaches to see what all the ruckus is about. Kiefer goes back to "fixing" the Kiefmobile. "He broke my damn ankle!" gasps Krispin. "You shouldn't have been playing with adults," says Kiefer. The time is 09:46:27 AM.

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