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Day 3: 10:00 AM – 11:00 AM

Episode Report Card
M. Giant: B- | Grade It Now!
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Guardian Angel

10:28:50. We return to the thoughtful faces of Palmer, Spawnders, and Spawn, in order of appearance and decreasing order of stupidity. How did that happen, anyway? At CTU, Special Agent Charlie Brown is just about to head out the door with his strike team when Spawn comes up to hand him a folder containing satellite photos of the Sixth Street Bridge. Special Agent Charlie Brown tells her he asked for a real-time satellite feed. Duh, you can't put that in a folder. Spawn tells him he'll have it in ten minutes. There's also something about Marine fighter pilots, but I can't imagine it's relevant to anything. Potato Face comes up and sits down at the nearest computer, because…oh, hell, I don't know. I guess so she can overhear Spawn telling Charlie Brown to be careful. He tells her not to worry and heads out after his team. Spawn turns to Potato Face and asks how soon she can have the satellite feed she just promised Charlie Brown. If it's more than ten minutes, she's going to be kind of embarrassed. Potato Face embarrasses me even more by ignoring Spawn's question and skeptically demanding, "Do you really think Chase is going to quit Field Ops to start a family?" Inappropriate! "He won't," Potato Face answers herself. Spawn tries to smack her down, but she doesn't put any conviction into it, and Potato Face plows ahead: "I've known Charlie Brown for three years. You've been dating him for three months…He might be a great guy but he's just like your father. They're both the same person." Paging Dr. Freud. "So if you're expecting he'll leave this for the suburbs, you should revise your expectations." Spawn repeats her original question, and Potato Face tells her ten minutes. Spawn snaps at her to do it. At her retreating back, Potato Face calls out, "I'm just trying to be a friend, Spawn." Man. With friends like these, where the hell are those suicide capsules?

10:30:30. Palmer's dialing his phone. I wonder who he could be calling? Now that Keeler's gone, the quarantine map on the video display has been replaced with an artistic American flag montage. Anyway, he phones up Lady Mac, calls her stupid bluff, closes out this idiotic storyline, and we all get on with our lives. Oh, wait, that's just in my dreams. What really happens is that he barks at Lady Mac that she's gone too far. Lady Mac, on the porch of a splendid beach house, gestures expansively with her half-empty glass of mimosa and says pleasantly, "Oh, I thought I might be hearing from you, David." Palmer yells at her about sending Keeler to blackmail him, yadda yadda yadda. She doesn't deny it. Aww, she was for real with that shit? I'm so disappointed. Palmer tells Lady Mac that she could go to jail, and she points out that he could as well. Yes, I'm sure President Prescott would let that happen after he took office. Presidents hand out pardons like candy on this show, which is why I have to watch this scene in the first place, Sherry. Palmer asks what Keeler offered her, and Lady Mac says, "What you should have offered me. Respect, and a seat at the table. But instead you called me up when you needed me, and after I did your dirty work you threw me out like an old pair of shoes." Oh, so much hate. Palmer asked you to murder Milliken? You think that would have come up in the original conversation. Rather than pointing that out, Palmer tells her he won't be bullied. She makes a hilarious "oh, shit, that's right" face. But Palmer overplays it and asks her if she's willing to go to jail. She's ready for this and sends it right back at him: "The question is: are you?" He doesn't answer. She scoffs at him and hangs up.

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