24
Day 3: 10:00 PM – 11:00 PM

Episode Report Card
admin: C+ | Grade It Now!
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Koo Koo Ka Choo, Mrs. Milliken

Electric blue Kiefer promo, featuring shots of Palmer and Spawn. Due to some graphic violence, viewer discretion is advised. 24. Previouslys. Brother Palmer had an affair with some powerful billionaire's wife played by Gina Torres, and now this billionaire is asking Palmer to remove his brother from his staff. Palmer refuses, despite threats of repercussions. Soul Patch says lots of stuff about technology that I can't follow. PoorMan'sAngelinaJolie and her lips as big as all outdoors help out Special Agent Charlie Brown. Kiefer and the Salazars lose the V-I-R-U-S auction to Nina, and now Kiefer is reduced to begging for his life. The following takes place between 10:00 PM and 11:00 PM.

We open on a pair of hands. Bound hands. As in "my hands are tied, Gustave -- I can't let you recap America's Next Top Model because it's on at the exact same time as your current show, 24, so stop asking!" The camera pans down to reveal that these hands belong to Special Agent Charlie Brown, who is still being tortured by Ron Jeremy. An artful trail of blood seeps down Charlie's face as Ron Jeremy holds up a two-pronged fork-like object that looks like something that should be advertised in the Brookstone catalog as an Ionic Nose Picker. Ron presses a button, and these super-fake-looking blue flames shoot out of the prongs. Seriously, it looks like the special effects from some Saturday morning science fiction show for kids. Ron asks him if other agents are coming. Charlie refuses to answer. Ron lifts Charlie Brown's sweatshirt to reveal a tattoo that looks (to me) like the hammer and sickle from the Soviet flag. He applies the Ronco Ionic Nose Picker to Charlie's bare chest, causing him to shake it like a Polaroid picture.

Back at CTU, frantic xylophone music plays as all the major players except Kim are in a conference room, trying to find a way to reconnect with Kiefer. Adam the Woman Hater thinks he can use satellite technology to figure out Kiefer's new location, but according to Soul Patch, it will take too long to be useful. Just as everyone is starting to feel stumped, Crystal Gael's cell phone/palm pilot rings. According to caller ID, it's Hector, so Soul Patch orders everyone to go to work to find Hector's location by tracing the call. Potato Face and Adam the Woman Hater get on that while Bitchelle and Soul Patch hook up their earpieces so they can listen in. Crystal Gael picks up and, thinking quickly on his feet, tells Hector that he hasn't been able to call him lately because he's been at Division with the bureau chief and couldn't talk. Meanwhile, Hector has this look on his face like someone just told that the meatball sub he ate was made out of human excrement. "Ees something wrong?" Hector asks. "If there was, we wouldn't be having this conversation," says Crystal Gael smoothly. On Hector's side of the split screen, the camera pulls back a bit to reveal that Kiefer is in the same room as Hector and can hear what he's saying. "We have a problem," says Hector. "The seller double-crossed us. We have a second bidder." "A second bidder?" says Crystal Gael for the benefit of Soul Patch and Bitchelle, even though they can hear Hector's side of the conversation on their earpieces. "A woman named Nina Myers," says Hector, explaining about the auction and how they lost. At the mention of Nina's name, Bitchelle gasps and clutches her pearls. It's like Reiko Aylesworth herself is thinking, "Sarah Clarke's back? Shit, I thought that bitch was gone forever. I thought I was the sexy brunette of this show. They promised!"

Hector puts Kiefer on the phone. Kiefer gives Crystal Gael Amador's cell phone number and asks him to trace Amador's location so they can locate Nina Myers. Kiefer hands the phone back to Hector, who tells Gael about Special Agent Charlie Brown showing up. "You have him?" asks Gael. "Yes," says Hector. "Alive?" asks Gael. "Yes, alive," says Hector. He asks Gael if Charlie Brown came with backup. Gael replies that Charlie is in a different department and he doesn't have access to that information. Hector starts to lose it and demands that Gael get access. "What do we pay you for?" asks Hector. Gael replies that he might blow his own cover if he asks for said access. "The best bet is to keep Charlie Brown alive until we find out," says Gael craftily. They hang up, and Adam has Hector's location. Soul Patch tells Bitchelle to tell the Delta Units to "adjust their positions and wait for further orders."

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