24
Day 3: 10:00 PM – 11:00 PM

Episode Report Card
Gustave: C+ | Grade It Now!
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Koo Koo Ka Choo, Mrs. Milliken

The time is 10:28:09 PM. Klockwise from the top left, Spawn's attention is caught by something shiny at her workstation, Adam the Woman Hater and Crystal Gael are lovers -- pass it on! -- Special Agent Charlie Brown moans on the floor, and Hartmano and Kiefer drive the Sala-car to Amador's lair. Cut to a swanky restaurant. Peachy-beige walls, little lamps with tassled shades at every table, Corinthian pillars, and lots of dried flowers everywhere. In other words? Just the place to take an ex-lover in order to convince her to get her husband to stop ruining your brother's political career. Or is it the perfect spot to re-seduce some guy you once had a fling with by promising to get your jealous husband to stop ruining his brother's political career? I can't decide! Another thing that confuses me is why everyone thinks Gina Torres is so hot. I don't mean any disrespect to the many posters on the forums who are excited about her being cast on this show, but I don't get it. She looks like every other generic "hot" black woman on television. Anyway, Brother Palmer asks Milliken's wife to call off Milliken's dogs by threatening to leave him. Milliken's wife is willing, but only if Brother Palmer becomes her lover again. "Come back to me," says Mrs. Milliken. "It worked once, it can work again." "It never worked," says Brother Palmer. "Not for me." "Then I'm afraid I can't help you," says Mrs. Milliken. Wait! The only thing standing between this country having a national healthcare program is Brother Palmer's unwillingness to fuck Mrs. Milliken a few times? Bollocks! I am a freelancer. I am tired of paying out of pocket for my crappy health insurance. And I have had sex with far less attractive people than Gina Torres, let me tell you. I am pissed at Brother Palmer! I want health insurance, and I want it now. Brother Palmer needs to pull it out and make Mrs. Millken scream. I don't give a shit if he can't get it up. They can have outercourse, goddamn it! Hell! I will fuck Mrs. Milliken myself. It costs $185 to visit my allergist. Fuck her, Brother Palmer! Do it for ME!!!! Close your eyes and think of the cost of a prescription for Zyrtec without a co-payment, for fuck's sake!

Back at the torture shed behind Casa Abandoñito, Ron Jeremy pours gasoline on Special Agent Charlie Brown's hand -- the hand that Hector just put a bullet through, mind you. I had no idea that gasoline worked like salt or rubbing alcohol on broken skin, but I am taking their word for it. ["Hey, if Brother Palmer could get to that restaurant in ten minutes…" -- Sars] Charlie screams some more. Ron Jeremy demands that he talk. Yadda yadda. Angelina enters and tells Ron Jeremy that Hector sent her to see if Charlie Brown would talk to her. She pretends to interrogate him, but she's really handing him that knife that she stole from the kitchen. "He's a stubborn one, isn't he?" says Angelina to Ron Jeremy. Ron Jeremy laughs, but stops laughing as soon as Angelina throws a bucket of gasoline at him. He goes down as Charlie Brown stabs him with his good hand. "Check his pockets," says Charlie to Angelina. She rummages around and finds a cell phone. She also grabs his gun. Charlie Brown goes over to the fire and grabs a hot poker. "What are you doing?" asks Angelina. "I gotta stop the bleeding or I could die," says Charlie. He proceeds to put the poker to his hand in order to cauterize the bullet wound. Ouch. Couldn't he have just found a rag or something? Angelina hands Charlie Ron Jeremy's gun, and they hobble out to the car, where Juan Voight is waiting with Dumb Little Sergio. Everyone gets into the truck and hides in the back except Juan, who is sitting in the driver's seat. Two henchmen come by and ask where Juan is going. "Hector wants me to pick up something for him," says Juan. The henchmen are wary and want to know more details. Juan tells them it's none of their business. Charlie Brown, who is listening from the truck bed, stands up and shoots the two henchmen. The gunfire is heard by Hector, who comes running out of Casa Abandoñito and starts firing at the truck. Charlie fires back at Hector. The truck takes off. Hector screams his lover's name and tries to chase them in his car, which Juan has sabotaged…along with all of the other vehicles parked at Casa Abandoñito. Just when the truck has gotten a sufficient distance from Casa Abandoñito, Special Agent Charlie Brown turns to thank Angelina. But she's got a bullet wound in her head. She's dead. The time is 10:35:37 PM.

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