Day 3: 11:00 AM – 12:00 PM

Episode Report Card
M. Giant: B | Grade It Now!
Low Noon

11:30:52. Brother Palmer rattles Lady Mac's glassware, Soul Patch wonders if his twenty years have started yet, and the President stands around outdoors with his Secret Service detail. Brother Palmer stresses over to Lady Mac's bathroom, where Foxton is going through Lady Mac's impressive collection of pharmaceuticals. That explains a lot, actually. None of the bottles are Milliken's, however. Foxton tells Brother Palmer to relax. He's setting an excellent example, I have to say. Brother Palmer wants to know how Foxton can be so sure they'll find what they're looking for. Foxton says, "Because she's not a professional and I am." In the immortal words of Cameron Frye, "A professional what?"

Lady Mac shows up at the meeting with Palmer. They're at some ratty little public park, skulking behind the softball backstop. That Presidential motorcade is nowhere in sight. Hey, remember when Brother Palmer said that the more time they had in the house, the better? Maybe it would have been a good idea to make her drive more than five minutes to the meeting, in that case. Lady Mac wants to get right to the point, so Palmer obligingly directs the nozzle of the Presidential smoke machine straight up her ass and starts shoveling in the dry ice. He uses phrases like "de facto right hand" and "one of my primary consultants." If anything, she's offended by this nonsense and starts to leave. Palmer stops her and asks her what she wants, then. She says, "I want a permanent position, Dayy-vid. In your administration and in your life." As if he's an idiot for not realizing this. She only plots coups against you out of love, Palmer. Lady Mac spells it out: "I want to be your wife again." I officially have the heebie-jeebies now. She continues, "I don't expect the kind of physical intimacy that we used to have, although maybe in time it will come." I was wrong. Now I have the heebie-jeebies. What I had before was nothing compared to this. It was neither heebie nor jeebie. Palmer tries to conceal his horror as she continues to embarrass herself, until he finally walks off, a hand to his face. It's 11:43:45. He tells her he doesn't know what to say. She threatens to walk again. This is the least romantic marriage proposal I've ever seen. Palmer wrestles with it, apparently having forgotten that this entire conversation is bullshit anyway. Lady Mac gets tired of waiting and turns to go, but Palmer grabs her by the wrist and agrees. She drops immediately into Cinderella mode, caressing his stony face and leaning her head against his chest and nnnggAAAH! Make it not be on my TV anymore! Palmer uncomfortably puts his arms around her, not appearing to notice any odd, cylindrical bulges under her clothing, and says something about working out the details. Lady Mac appears to wake up from her little fantasy and looks at him with suspicion. She's figured out that he's up to something. Palmer tells her, "I'm giving you what you asked for," which is the worst thing he could say to her right now. Tell her she's not giving him a choice, tell her she outplayed him; that's what she responds to. But since Palmer screws up everything he touches, Lady Mac slithers out of his grasp and tells him, "Consider my offer rescinded. John Keeler will be the next President of the United States." She leaves Palmer standing there, basking in his failure, as well as the stink-eye from Secret Service Guy Aaron for making him show up for shooting and then not giving him a single line.

11:36:02. Palmer dials Brother Palmer's cell phone to give him the news that Lady Mac's on her way home. Brother Palmer complains about needing more time, and Palmer makes excuses. Maybe she just didn't want to be away from her meds that long. Palmer wants Brother Palmer out of the house before Lady Mac returns. While the Brothers Palmer are arguing, Foxton discovers that the steps into the kitchen lift up, revealing a staircase to a hidden cellar. Is that standard in this neighborhood? The cellar contains an electronic wall safe. Foxton isn't going to be able to crack it, but he knows a guy who can get him the manufacturer override codes that will allow him to open it. Brother Palmer reports to Palmer that they may be able to pull this out yet, and Palmer tells him he'd better. Are these cell phones secure? I'm just asking.

Previous 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10Next





Get the most of your experience.
Share the Snark!

See content relevant to you based on what your friends are reading and watching.

Share your activity with your friends to Facebook's News Feed, Timeline and Ticker.

Stay in Control: Delete any item from your activity that you choose not to share.

The Latest Activity On TwOP